How can we rebuild trust?

My then fiancé broke off our engagement handed me the ring and said she was done. A couple of days after she regretted it and now I am having a hard time letting her back in my heart (trusting her not to do it again) I moved out and we have been seeing each other and yet I can’t seem to give her what she wants and be back under the same roof again.
Asked by Charr
Answered
11/13/2022

Hi Char,

Thank you for reaching out and asking this question. You are not alone struggling with this type of situation. It is hard to trust when someone has broken your trust since because your guards will be up for this person in anticipation of being hurt again. However, this does not mean that a relationship and trust cannot be rebuilt again. It will take time and nurturing and a lot of reflection on the relationship issues before you can go back to that level of or even deeper. 

It would be best to take professional help- couples counseling in which you would be guided by a mental health professional to get a better understanding of your relationship. It is important to know the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship and the reason why she chose to leave. Was there an unresolved issue that never came to the surface or some other level of dissatisfaction that perhaps she wasn't able to communicate to you? As we start to unfold these answers you will discover more about her, yourself and your relationship. Many times couples don't realize the underlying issues in the relationship and deal with problems that are on the surface. This eventually leads to bursting a bubble though both partners are sincere and wanted to work on the relationships. In this scenario, if both couples are willing to work on the relationship then it is possible for it to work. 

This will require you to take some time to think more about your feelings and see where you stand and how much hurt remains in your heart. You should take some time to heal and to think about how you can forgive her. Once you are over this step, then you can start working on the relationship and how it can be improved. It seems that there is potential in the relationship and a mental health professional can guide you in repairing and rebuilding the lost trust as well as helping you overcome this. I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you. 

Best, 

Dr. Saima 

(PHD, MS, MA)