How can you better control your temper and frustration?

Hello,

Although your question is brief, there are a few things that are worth reflecting on here. First, your question, the title of this inquiry "How can you better control your temper and frustration?" This is an important question because often when people say they have trouble controlling their anger, or temper, they are using their anger as a justification for bad behavior towards others.  No matter how we feel, we have a choice regarding how to manage or react to our emotions. If you truly want to "control your temper" the first step toward this, in my opinion is to stop using it to excuse bad behavior. Your anger and other feelings that build up, may be justified. I don't have enough information to know whether or not that is the case, but behavior is much easier to control than an emotional response. 

This leads me to the body of your inquiry, which was "people will overlook the things you do for them instead of just being thankful you did those things." This tells me that you have some unmet expectations regarding the "people" here. Again, there is a lot here, even though it is short. This statement, makes me wonder about expectations and boundaries in your relationships. You come across here, as both feeling unappreciated and as having an expectation of gratitude from others.  Check your motives for doing the things you think others should be grateful for. Are you doing things for someone out of the kindness of your heart, or because you want something (i.e. gratitude) in return? Relationships where people keep tabs on what someone has or has not done, have a transactional characteristic to them and in my opinion, inevitably end up unsatisfying. Relationships are about connection and most people, on the receiving end of real love and compassion are grateful. If the people in your life are not grateful, my guess would be that you may be trying to "buy" love, or forgiveness or something else and that isn't what connection is really about. 

This might not be what you were hoping to hear, but I hope you find it helpful nevertheless. 

Marie Grace, MA, LMFT