How Childhood Trauma Affects Romantic Relationships?

Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised that the article below might mention trauma-related topics that include sexual abuse, potentially triggering.

Experiencing trauma in childhood can affect relationships later in life. Not only can romantic relationships be affected, but they also can those with friends, family, and coworkers. During childhood, we form beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us.

All kinds of trauma can affect relationships. Still, incidents in which another person physically or sexually violates us (especially when perpetrated by someone responsible for caring for us) can affect our ability to trust others later in life. Additionally, some people who experience trauma also begin to view themselves as worthless, dirty, or merely a sex object, undesirable, or undeserving of love.

Effects on Attachment

Trauma can cause some people to become highly cautious about getting into a relationship. They may feel that their partner will leave them at any moment or be suspicious of their partner’s motives, even without evidence. They may have difficulty expressing their feelings and showing emotion, worried that this will make them vulnerable and that what is shared will be used to hurt them. However, traumatic experiences can also cause some opposite effects. For example, a person who has experienced trauma may attach to partners too quickly, may become enmeshed in relationships, and disclose too much too quickly, and relationships may become intense very quickly.

Sexual Effects

Trauma, especially sexual trauma, can affect a person’s sexuality in a relationship. Some people who experience trauma will become promiscuous, viewing sex as a form of control or viewing it as a way of meeting one’s needs. Others who have experienced sexual trauma may find sex uncomfortable and even disgusting. It may remind the person of the trauma. Remember, trauma affects how we view ourselves and others, naturally affecting sexuality in relationships.

How to Cope

If you are a survivor of trauma, it is important to remember that trauma affects people differently. Your partner has chosen to be with you, and trauma is a part of your life history. With that in mind, participating in therapy can help reduce the effects of the trauma both in your personal life and in relationships. When you feel comfortable doing so, educating your partner on how the trauma affects you and what triggers you to feel anxious or afraid may be helpful.