how do i deal with anger towards a partner?

Hi there, 

Thank you so much for reaching out and asking this question. It sounds like it's been really difficult for you at the moment. It is really understandable that you are feeling angry towards your partner if they are repeatedly crossing a boundary when it comes to drinking and then arguing about what happened the next day. It sounds like you're feeling like you aren't being heard at the moment, as they are apologetic but then continue with the pattern of behavior again. 

From what you've said it sounds like you have tried to advocate for your needs and your worries about what is going on. I wonder what is going on for your partner at the moment to continue this pattern and if you have had a conversation together about this too?

I ask this as it is incredibly human to feel angry when these things happen, especially if they are continuing with the same patterns of behaviors again and again as it can make us feel like people aren't listening or respecting what is happening for us; however when we link into what might be going on for the other person it can sometimes help us alleviate some of that anger as we can understand a little more about what is going on from the other side. When alcohol and drinking patterns are involved too this can be really difficult - for both you and your partner. Drinking can also be used as a way of coping and managing difficult situations, and your question makes me wonder what might be going on for your partner to feel like the drinking pattern is needed right now. 

I also wonder how long this has been going on for, and how it is impacting on other areas of your life too. It can be exhausting going through this pattern with someone that we care about and our partner; and advocating for our needs is incredibly important. From what you say it sounds like you are doing this which is great. I wonder if it would be helpful to talk to a therapist about how this is leaving you feeling, and what you might be able to do to support yourself with this going on as well. I think there are so many different factors that could be happening, it is difficult to think about what may be most helpful to you right now with limited information. 

I do hope that offers some help. If you do want to talk it through more I would really encourage you to reach out to a therapist to start to build a bit more of an understanding to what is going on for you, and your partner. 

Take care,

Nikki