How do I deal with feeling anxiousness and anxiety?

Hi there! Thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp for support. It takes a lot of courage to seek help, and you should be proud of yourself for doing so today! I want to preface this by saying that if we were to meet for a therapy session, I would want to ask clarifying questions to gather more information and get to know your situation better. However, I am only given the information you have provided above. Therefore, I apologize if I have misunderstood any of this!

First of all, I am sorry to hear about your recent break-up. Break-ups can be so hard, even if you were the one to end it. It sounds like it was hard to gain back trust in the relationship after she lied in the beginning, and that is certainly understandable. Trust is a huge part of a relationship, so it can be hard to move forward with a relationship when you are having trouble trusting her. It sounds like the anxiety you were feeling in the relationship often stemmed from the mistrust, which sounds rational. Even if you feel this was the best decision moving forward, you may still grieve the relationship and feel anxious at times. That is very normal.

I can speak to what you asked about having tools for anxiety or moments of feeling overwhelmed. Anxiety often times stems from fear of the unknown. And in break-ups, there can be a lot of feelings of "unknown" - about the future, about the situation, about the person, etc. Uncertainty can cause someone to doubt their decisions - such as a decision to break up. I would encourage you to try to remind yourself of the reasons for the ending of the relationship when the anxiety pops up. Maybe it could even help to write out a list of the reasons you made this decision. 

I would also encourage you to challenge anxious thoughts when they come up. For example, if you are feeling anxious and wondering about the future - try to ask yourself what the best case scenario would be, what the worst case scenario would be, and what the most realistic scenario would be. This is a way to challenge anxious thoughts when they come up - it can help to ground you back to the present.

I would also recommend using meditation and/or deep breathing exercises when you are feeling anxious. YouTube has a lot of great resources on this - you can just type it in and it will pop up different exercises and walk you through them. Or, you could look into meditation / deep breathing apps. Try to center yourself as much as possible when you are feeling anxious. I would recommend putting your feet on the ground, closing your eyes, and telling yourself a positive mantra for a couple of minutes to be able to get back to center. You can also quickly name off what you can hear, see, taste, touch, and smell - the five senses can help you ground yourself back to the present. 

I would also encourage you to utilize coping skills when you are feeling anxious. Coping skills are tools that can help decrease anxiety and/or stress and improve mood. Are there things that you have done in the past that helped your mood (that you may have stopped doing recently)? Are there things that you would be interested in incorporating into your daily routine? Try to come up with a list of coping skills that you could try when you are feeling anxious. Common examples of coping skills include: exercising, going for a walk, listening to uplifting music, reading a book, talking to a friend, praying, meditating, cooking a good meal, deep breathing, etc... Try to find what works for you. 

I would also encourage you to look into starting therapy if that is an option right now. Therapy can be so beneficial for processing through hard things like a break-up. But if that is not an option right now, try to rely on your support system as much as possible during this time.

I appreciate you reaching out for support again, and I wish you the best on your journey:)

Warm regards.