How do I demand respect w/o pushing men away? Men try to be players but tell me they not.

Hello Hope, 

Building respect is a crucial part of any relationship and it can also be a process that not a lot of people talk about. I am glad you are considering this question as you approach potential relationships. A healthy and happy relationship exists with trust and respect. 

There is the respect that considers the other person's feelings thoughts and desires on the basis of being human beings just like you and I. The other respect is the one that we learn from others that also comes from a deep admiration for who they are and what they do. 

Some of the ways in which you can command respect and not push others away is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Be honest and consistent with your words and your behavior. Our words carry meaning and when you set boundaries and stick to them that sends a clear message to significant others. Having our own opinions and staying open minded also is a key component this way you can make your own judgements and assessments of what is being said in addition to how they are showing up for you. If you have a sense that they are not being honest or truthful it may be good to ask yourself why.

It will be important to consider what specific situations or outcomes has made you feel as though men you talk with are players and say they are not. If their behaviors are not aligned with what you expect in a relationship such as being present, not having wandering eyes, phone face down etc. it's okay to name that in a respectful way. 

Although in the end, it all comes down to how others respond to who you are and how you show up. We have no control over how others will respond to our values or boundaries. However by being specific in what you are looking for and what you need in a relationship is a good way to set a boundary and can be done in gentle way that does not push others away. 

Eva