How do I get over insecurities in a relationship due to my past?

We are all in our own little worlds.  We tend to make the things in our world about ourselves.   If we do not believe in ourselves, then why should others? 

 

If in our mind we may be observing other people's behaviors and making that about ourselves, then we act towards them on those projected assumptions we are thinking in an inaccurate way.  So, for example, if deep down, I don't believe in myself enough to think that I am good enough to be in a relationship with my partner then it might not matter what the person I am in a relationship with says or does, I might always be second-guessing their motives.

 

If we do not have confidence in ourselves that the other person in the relationship cares for us and chooses to be with us and will be loyal to us because we are worthy of love and loyalty, we may think that every time they are out of sight they are searching for someone else to be in a relationship with, then that may fuel in us a sense of false jealousy.

 

If I act on that false jealousy and start questioning my partner's motives every time they are out of sight or talking to another person and I am thinking they are going to leave me for that other person and then I'm upset over that and confronting my partner about where have they been and who have they been talking to and telling them that I don't like the way you spend time with this other person and I don't want you to be with them....   All of that is a large projection based on false premises.  We are in our head projecting the scenario upon our partner who just left for a while and talked to someone.  That's not really very attractive behavior at all, is it?

 

What if we went to town and talked to someone and when we came home our partner was acting all jealous and insecure and accosting us with questions:  Where have you been, who have you been talking to? What took you so long?  I don't like it when you talk to so and so.... 

 

I never worry about my wife's loyalty when she is gone for a while.  I don't wonder where she is, or who she's with or what she is doing.  I don't care.  As long as she is safe, I'm not worried about any of that. 

 

I KNOW she loves me. ME.  I KNOW  I AM WORTHY of that love. I know I treat her well and that we deserve each other.  I KNOW she is loyal and that if some other person talked to her, flirted with her or even propositioned her that she would not accept that offer.  She would say something along the lines of  "I'm flattered, but I'm married and I love my husband and I'm loyal to him. 

 

We don't get this way overnight.  We won't heal from it overnight either.  We have to learn to catch the inaccurate and negative thoughts when and where we can and change them into more realistic and positive ones. 

 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  One little step at a time!