How do I get past an old relationship and focus more on self love?

I’ve been having a difficult time getting over a break up. It’s been a year and my ex moved on very quickly, I’ve been trying hard not to let it get to me but it’s been making me really sad still.
Asked by Brooke

Thank you so much for taking the time to ask this question. I believe this is something that we can all walk through when a relationship ends so know that you are not alone in this experience which can provide some comfort.

There tends to be a grieving period that comes along with a relationship ending. You will need to do the work around the relationship ending and how that has changed your life. I recommend individual therapy to process how the relationship and its end has impacted your life across all of the different domains. 


Some strong resources I recommend for self-love and self-compassion are:

- which is based on work by Dr. Kristin Neff. This website has so many resources that you are sure to find something that will be infinitely beneficial. 

-I recommend taking the Self-Compassion Scale Short Form at which can inform you on the next steps of how to be more compassionate with yourself.

-I also love this TEDTalk which gives practical suggestions on how these things can be implemented:

-Self-affirmations which can be found on YouTube or you can write your own affirmations. They may be something like "I can do hard things when I put my mind to it" or something even more specific such as "This relationship has been difficult to untangle myself from but I am working towards taking care of myself."

-Any book that is written by Brene Brown who does work around vulnerability. What can be more vulnerable than having a relationship end? Here is her site with all of her books: she also has a podcast called Unlocking Us which is a beautiful tribute to being our best selves despite our very complex traumas. 


Ultimately your priority list needs to be reorganized where you are at the very top. Any and all things involving yourself are the things that take precedence. Simple self-care items such as making sure to eat on time, take medication, and staying connected with friends are highly recommended.


Remember, you are worth every bit of effort that you are going to put in. This life is a development process that never ends and you are a work of art.


Be well,