How do I know if I am making the right choices in my relationship?

My name is Sarah Wall, and I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in New York state.  I have been a Social Worker for 18 years and have worked with a wide-range of people, from childhood through adulthood, on various issues ranging from anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, relationship issues, family relationships, and many more areas.  It takes a lot of courage to seek help and I applaud you for taking the first step to wellness.

It sounds like you and your significant other have had a long relationship and keep coming back to each other.  When thinking about how you and your partner are "drifting apart" and your "lives are changing," how do you feel about these changes? Sometimes in relationships, we need to ask if we can imagine ourselves with this person and no one else for the rest of our lives. And if so, what does that feel and look like?   When you envision your future with this person, what do you see? Do you see a loving, healthy relationship? Or do you see things being the same as they are now--your lives drifting apart and going in different directions? Usually, our "gut" tells us everything we need to know if we just stop, take a moment to breathe, and listen.   

If this is a healthy, loving relationship then why do you and your partner keep breaking up or what makes you want to break up?  What causes you to get back together?  Do you and your partner reunite out of love and commitment or out of comfort and familiarity?  You mentioned that you usually hit a "3 year 'over it' mark" and move on, but what makes this relationship different that you've been together (on and off) for seven years? There must be something different or special about this relationship that keeps bringing you back together.

It is natural to enjoy "new attention" from someone else, especially when we have been in a relationship for a long time or there are issues in the relationship.  You mentioned that you have "flirted with" other males.  Does it feel like you are flirting just for the attention or does it feel like there is or may be a connection with the person/persons you are flirting with?

I realize that I asked you a lot of questions without answering any of yours, but I think that there are layers to your question that are about more than your relationship and may need to be explored further.  Since you quit jobs in addition to relationships after 3 years, you may have to ask yourself what is so significant about the 3 year mark that you feel the need to quit jobs and relationships. When you quit these jobs and relationships, what is the reason you tell yourself?  What are you looking for or hoping to find or gain by quitting/breaking up?  Being able to answer these questions may be the start of helping you figure out what it is you truly want and need.  I hope that I was able to help you at least a little bit, and I wish you all the best.