How do I move on after cheating on someone I love dearly and see the hurt and hate in their eyes?

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out and asking your question, It is important to me and I hope to give you some support which you may find helpful to you. Relationships are complex and there are likely to have been many dynamics at play between you both which may have contributed to both your and your ex partners behavior.

Endings in romantic relationships can be so painful, any type of loss can hurt emotionally but the feelings of rejection from a partner, when we are still emotionally involved can be particularly painful.

It sounds as though you may have feelings of confusion, (after the initial forgiveness your ex partner has changed his mind and now feels unable to live with his initial decision,) disappointment, you feel that you are still in love with him and had hoped you had both moved forward over the last year and now Your ex partner is holding you cheating behavior to blame for his decision to end the relationship. There may also be the possibility of some feelings of guilt around your behavior of cheating on your boyfriend. I am curious to know a little more about your particular situation, were you always happy and satisfied within your relationship? How do you feel about what was going on for you, prior to you cheating and after this information had been revealed in your relationship? I am wondering if there have been any other factors over the last year that you feel may have contributed to the ending of your relationship? We always try to look for reason when something negative happens to us and yet it is rarely one thing that is responsible for the ending of a relationship. One partner may try to push all the responsibility for a decision onto the other, by blaming something that they did, because it can be extremely challenging to take personal responsibility for our own decisions, it may feel easier to blame someone else, than assertively state that they feel the way that they do and the action they have decided to take. 

We operate better if we can avoid fault and blame speak and stick with talking from our own frame of reference, using plenty on "I" statements.

What are your best hopes for yourself for moving forward from this point? What are you hoping to achieve from understanding what has happened to you?

We can not change the past, it is gone, but hopefully if we can learn from it it can help us to accept our situation, take ownership of only our part in it and move forward in a way that pleases us and keeps us from making the same mistakes again. We can be empowered in ourselves and maintain our confidence in being able to have trusting intimate relationships with others in the future.

I hope that you are able to find some love and support from those around you to support you through this challenging time.