How do I open myself up to more people?

Hi there!

I first wanted to thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp for support. It takes courage to ask for help, and you should be proud of yourself for doing so! I also want to preface this by saying if we were meeting for therapy, I would want to ask follow-up questions to gain more understanding of your situation. I will be answering this question based on the information you have provided. Therefore, I apologize if I have misunderstood anything!

It sounds like you have been struggling with social anxiety and insecurities, and these can certainly affect our self-esteem. It sounds like you do have friends that you have had for a long time, which is something to really acknowledge here. I wonder if it could be helpful to work on strengthening these friendships you already have? I am thinking you may be in different places now from what you said, but it could be helpful to think about ways you could stay in contact with these friends (such as phone calls, texting, and video calls). I also want to acknowledge the fact that you moved away for college - I am sure that took a lot of courage, especially since it was out of your comfort zone. I wonder if making another step like this could be helpful for you? Maybe you could think about where else you can take steps out of your comfort zone.

It sounds like the break-up with your girlfriend was hard, as well. Situations like these can really make people reflect and think about what they want to change. We ALL have things to work on, and it sounds like you are saying your social anxiety and insecurities caused strain on the relationship. I am not sure how these affected the relationship, and I would want to explore that more. I would consider asking your ex-girlfriend why she felt you didn't prioritize her feelings and how the social anxiety and insecurities are related to this. Regardless, it sounds like those are things you want to work on. I would recommend starting therapy to further explore this with a mental health professional. Therapy can certainly help with getting to the root of this and I wonder if it could help with building up some self-esteem and confidence. I would also recommend trying to put yourself in situations where you could meet friends - such as going sit at a coffee shop and doing work, going to a park, joining a group fitness class, or re-connecting with a childhood friend. You could also look into apps where you can meet friends virtually (and then in person if you feel you would be a good match). It sounds like self-confidence and making friends are related here - for instance, you may be able to make friends easier if you are feeling confident AND you also may feel more confident if you are making healthy friendships. They can definitely play into each other, which makes sense. Often times, how we feel about ourselves can attract the types of relationships we want to have in our lives. I would also recommend looking into the reasons why it can be difficult for you to make friends - you could ask yourself if you have difficulty trusting people and why? I would also recommend reading books on attachment styles and how attachment can affect our relationships. I think this could be helpful, as well.

I hope this is helpful for you.

Thanks again for reaching out and best wishes on your journey :)