How do I start to heal from past relationships?

Nice to meet you Olivia and help you work through your relationship-related concerns.

Sometimes an unhealthy relationship seems comfortable if you had been in a previous one without any resolved conflict in the relationship. It seems that we learn relationships and boundaries very early about what we will and won't accept. For example, if we grow up with a co-dependent mother we may develop the tendency to be dependent on others for our self-confidence.

It is imperative that we have a healthy relationship with ourselves first. We need to fill our cups and be ok being alone at times. Self-care and learning your values, beliefs, and desires in your life. We need to treat ourselves so well, not harshly and critically or accept a bad relationship because we are bored or lonely.

You may have not processed the adjustment and loss from your first relationship so that is still very "raw" and will need healing and resolution. You can do that with some processing of your thoughts. feelings and behaviors attached to that relationship while analyzing the pros and cons of both relationships. Also, look at your relationships and family dynamics over the course of your life. It is important for you to develop healthy attachment and be able to share what qualities you are seeking in a relationship in the future. Take your time working on boundaries, self-confidence, and what a healthy relationship looks like and should feel like. What are the future goals that you want to share with someone?

We can meet weekly and develop more detailed and structured goals and objectives for you. We will rule out any other conditions that could be co-morbid such as anxiety and mood questionnaires. I will send you some material to help build on interpersonal relationship skills and self-esteem too. Never feel stupid for wanting to process your feelings and thoughts to gain clarity for future relationships and it is a good learning experience for you as you continue to develop skillsets in these areas. I am looking forward to helping you develop new skills and solutions.

Moreover, try some mindfulness skills and journaling for coping strategies. What are your favorite ways to self-soothe? Try grounding techniques that I will send you as well as they can be helpful when feeling emotions intensely. It seems to really help my clients calm down and decompress. I want you to embrace and have compassion for yourself as we will go through some difficult relationships over the course of our life and they will come and we will learn more each time. Being in a relationship is no longer about you it changes to an 'us' and teamwork is key. Learn to embrace your imperfections and not expect someone to live up to your life desire or agenda, learn to embrace the things that make both of you happy and healthy.