How do I stop being so obsessed?

Hi Deuce, 

Sometimes asking for help to sort through things is really hard, and I am proud of you for taking this step. I am glad you are reaching out here for guidance about how to navigate the next chapter of this relationship with your ex girlfriend.

It sounds like the ending of your relationship with your girlfriend has been compounded by a move. The ending of a relationship is really hard to navigate, especially when there are misaligned expectations. It is hard when relationships change and it sounds like you are still sorting out what a continuation of the relationship looks like for you. 

The ending of a relationship is a loss, and needs to be grieved. Relationship loss is significant in that you may be coming to terms with layered loss: meaning - you are missing:

the person: physical attributes, proximity; 

the circumstance: a partnership, romantic relationship, friendship

the intimacy: physical, emotional

All of these spheres of connection intersect and cause feelings of loss that can often be compounded. 

Some people find it helpful to move through grief by writing a letter discussing all of the feelings that are being held internally. This can be a way to describe and express your deep feelings, while also processing through pen and paper. This letter does not need to be sent (in fact, you may want to discard it after writing), because it is not about the letter reaching the lost person - it is about the process of articulating what you feel needs to be said. Here are some prompts for you in case this option sounds like something you would like to do --

Dear xxxxxxx,

I miss you because ...

I am saying goodbye to you because ...

As I write this I feel ...

Do you remember the time we ...

I will miss doing this with you ...

Something I never told you is ...

I will never forget doing (this) with you ...

Work through those first, and see where it leads you. Perhaps there will be several things under each of the prompts, and you will find yourself writing for pages. After finishing this exercise, you may feel lighter, as you have been able to move towards healing.

The second part of your question discusses feeling alone and lonely. When there are unmet expectations with a close relationship, it is common to build feelings of resentment. This resentment is often rooted in the fact that an expectation is not being met. If you find yourself in this situation and you are hoping to align your expectation with the action, you might try: I have not heard from you this month, and I'm sad about that. It feels like you are distant. Is that your intention? This wording communicates your observation, feeling, and is asking about the intent behind the behavior. It also allows the other person an opportunity to clarify. 

I hope that these were helpful to you.