How do I stop overthinking about my ex boyfriend

Me and this guy dated for 4 years I loved him so much and I gave him everything but from the amount of pressure of work and family drama things started to effect our relationship and he couldn’t make time for me like before so he broke up with me and he said he can’t be in a relationship anymore because he has to take care of his family and he has to focus on work he also told me it’s not my fault it’s him we stayed in contact for 2 months after the breakup we wanted to stay friends but things couldn’t work out because I would get too emotional and bring up the past but finally we decided to cut ties in august 30 on a call where he told me he has to go so I can move on in peace and that him staying would make it worse but I miss him so bad
Asked by Al
Answered
12/06/2021

Hello AI, 

Thanks for sharing this.  This indeed is a tough situation.  While the cliche is true, time heals all wounds, it is that present until time passess that is so hard for most of us.  I have a few suggestions that I hope will help you.  

First of all, please take a look at your vulnerability factors which are eating, sleeping and moving your body/exercise.  If you are doing well is these three areas, then you will be less vulnerable overall to these negative times.  This is also part of your own self care.  Take a look at your appetite and eating patterns.  Take a look at the kinds of foods you put in your body.  There is a large correlation between mind and body.  What affects the body also affects the mind and vice versa.  Next, focus on your sleeping.  Are you getting enough sleep, is it restful?  Are you having a hard time sleeping?  If your sleep is interrupted in any way or you have trouble falling asleep, I would suggest you practice some sleep meditation right before bed.  There are many on you tube.  Lastly, are you moving your body throughout the day?  if you are not a fan of exercise then a daily walk maybe listening to your favorite music.  

Next, let's take a look at how you spend your time during the day and night.  What times of the day do you think you spend more time thinking about your ex?  Let's say it is the afternoon time, then I want you to intentionally schedule something in that time that you enjoy doing or interacting with another person.  I suggest you practice this for at least the next 3-4 weeks.  Also be careful of idle time.  If you have a lot of free time then fill it up as much as possible with things you enjoy.  

Make a list of all the supportive people in your life and make sure you keep close contact with them over the next several weeks.  This can be in the form of text messages, phone calls, in person time, etc....If you have any items that remind you of your ex in your home, take a box and place all of them in there and put them away just for now, at least for the next 3-4 weeks.

Lastly, please begin a daily nightly practice of gratitude.  Take a look at your day and write down three things that you enjoyed, were good or that you are thankful for.  Do this every night before bed.

Please be gracious and kind to yourself always!   Acknowledge your feelings, they are all ok.  I hope this helps

 

 

(LCSW)