How do I trust my partner's feelings for me when he struggles to express them verbally?

Good day, thank you for your question. Within the situation, especially if you have identified that you are anxious and he is avoidant, this is often a careful process due to this mix of attachment styles. I understand that when this happens that you work hard to be heard and to be able to communicate your feelings openly and look for the feedback that you need from your partner. However, because your partner is avoidant, it is difficult to receive the feedback you need. Also yes I do understand that it could be a struggle in regards to how often or in what amount should you communicate your emotions with him in order to respect how he's feeling but then also not deprive yourself of the connection that you need from him. You may wonder, how do I start to get him adjusted to having a consistent communication flow or something in which he would not feel as anxious about what I bring up to him?

First, I would review the questions that you have asked already. When you deal with an avoidant attachment style, you want to try to ask open ended questions as well as focusing on the answers they do give with lessening emotional reactivity on your end. This does not mean that you need to hold back your emotions long-term, but it is important to start to do the work in order to assist your partner in becoming more comfortable and taking more communication risks. Within this, you will find out more information from your partner around why they may not share as often or the background that leads more to them deciding not to share.

Planning on how to have certain conversations with your partner would also be a good method. By you calculating the specific time and place in which you should be able to discuss subjects with your partner could very much help the amount that they share. You can do some reflection on the points that you feel you would most want to address and choose how to work in the topic slowly. Additionally, having a change of environment with your partner may help you see a significant difference and something that helps them separate from other stressors in their life that may deter them from sharing how they feel or feeling held back. What interests your partner and what are the topics that your partner finds to be easier to discuss, even if it is their interests or hobbies? Avoidant partners usually have to work towards building more trust and feeling comfortable that the conversation won't go into a negative direction. If you were to go on a date by having dinner or going to a place that is not always typical, it may be best to just bond with your partner and help them relax overall.

Since it is not in their nature to take the initiative in communication, try your best to focus on them and allow them to discuss topics that concern them first in order to help them feel more comfortable to go into these topics with you as you bring them up. Also you know your partner best, so you know how much they can handle and when to best address a subject depending on their mood and point of view. The more relaxed you appear and listening to his point of view, the more relaxed your partner will be and you will be able to build insight into what he is saying. 

Also, it is good to take note of the topics that he has been most anxious about in the past or if there are more avoidant behaviors or specific avoidant behaviors that may be present depending on what topic is mentioned. Especially with this attachment style, it is important to show as much empathy as you can to his thoughts and ask him for further feedback from his point of view. 

Another part to this as well is helping yourself become more prepared and less anxious in your responses but also focusing on how you can convey your thoughts in a productive way. I would review and ask questions in regards to how you generally address your partner when it comes to these difficulties and also reflect on if there are other ways that you can manage these emotional challenges before discussing with your partner in order to have a clearer vision on how you could communicate this. Suggestions on how to do this is to use an emotional outlet to help organize your thoughts such as journaling, meditation, ways of reflection, and also maybe even talking to other support systems, family, friends. It may be good to see if other people are also going through some more difficulties with their partners to get some more insight as well. Even though you don't want to perfectly compare to others, it is good to see different styles and which others might work on communication styles. After this reflection, then you can have an idea of the ways of communication that you can try with your partner in order to still have your emotional needs met overall. Additionally, for example, you can ask for reassurance from him that you can explain that you just need to know that he loves you and cares for you or have him identify ways in which he is able to show that affection. 

Additionally, you can use tools such as couples exercises or different activities that have a structure for him to follow that might not show to have as much pressure on himself or even on you trying to engage him. This could include for example, coming up with a topic and then asking him and yourself to write each other letters and then exchange them. Within these letters you can agree to work towards regrouping and having answers to the questions you give to one another. I encourage you to use these suggestions to the best of your ability and work towards seeing hope at the end of the tunnel that he may express his affection more consistently and in the best way that he knows how. Best of luck to you.