How do you deal with a toxic mother who constantly loves to argue with you?

It can be difficult to navigate a relationship with a toxic person. Typically, it is better for your mental health to not remain in the relationship if it is negatively impacting your self-esteem, mood, or thoughts. That can be complicating when the toxic person is a family member. We do not always have the ability to completely walk away from a relationship with a family member for many different reasons. I would suggest that you do your best to limit the time that you spend with the toxic person. Some people, whether they do it consciously or not, tend to argue with others over almost everything. Sometimes, people have low-self esteem themselves and build themselves up by berating others. This is not a healthy or effective way to work on one's own mental health, but can be common. It is important for you to remember that a thought is just a thought. A thought is not a fact. Here, what is being said by the toxic person is an opinion. That person is finding reasons to nitpick at different aspects of your life. It can be hard to be constantly put down by someone who we would expect to care for us.

I would suggest that you engage in activities that help to nurture and build yourself up. Self-care can be an important counter measure to someone else's toxicity. Try to work on coming up with positive statements about yourself, or ask those who care for you to remind you of your positive qualities. I often encourage people I work with to put post-it notes with positive qualities or messages to themselves up in the areas they spend the most time in. That way, if you begin thinking about an argument with a toxic person, you can look and view the notes showing that you are not just the negative things that someone else is saying about or to you. Sometimes, a visual reminder can be very helpful. When you are able to keep your distance from the toxic person, you may find that you are feeling more stable. Do not let someone else's opinion of you lower your self-esteem or self-worth. Just because the toxic person is having trouble seeing the positive aspects of your personality, does not mean that they are the one with the truth.

Try and live your life in the present moment and embrace a full range of personal qualities. Find ways to self-soothe and shift your perspective to one more toward the middle ground. Sometimes, it can be hard to remain objective and not take in all the negatives from someone else. One of the healthiest things you can do is to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with who you are as a person and the toxic person may be struggling and not sure how to handle their own thoughts and feelings. Try to not get attached to any one opinion from someone else. Do not let their words ruin the positive aspects of your life. The most important thing to remember is that when people are judging you, they typically have very little factual evidence to back their claims, and have no way of knowing what is going on for you in that present moment. Be true to yourself. Make sure you remember that you are worthy of love and respect. I acknowledge that it is not easy to break ties with someone who has played an important role in your life, but I just want you to be able to hear that you do not have to continue to endure suffering because that person is related to you. Remember to lean on what you know is authentically true about yourself and let other people's opinions of you come in one ear, and slide across your brain like on a non-stick pan and let it float out your other ear. When trying not to attach to any one thought, emotion, or opinion from someone else, we can often find a deeper level of peace. Your inner peace and mental well-being are the highest priority in this situation.