How do you get over someone you really like but they don’t like you as much as you like them?

Hi, and thanks for your question.

Unrequited love is a tough one, for sure. It's the subject of many a love song, poem, story, play and movie. As such, it's an unfortunate, yet painfully common human experience, and it can cause us to continually question a multitude of things about ourselves.

Working through your situation in a healthy way requires a few things, none of which will probably surprise you, but they bear mentioning nonetheless, as unrequited love often takes its toll on our capacity to see the situation objectively.

1. Be Aware (and remain aware)of What Your Objective Observations Are

You mentioned that she's not really showing a whole lot of interest, and it's been a year. If it's not going to happen by now, it's probably not going to happen. Of course, it's also possible that there's additional information not provided in your question here, but in the absence of anything else like that (discussions the two of you have had, trauma history, longstanding attachment wounds, etc.), if a change in the relationship dynamics haven't happened thus far, they're unlikely to in the future.

2. Communicate Clearly and Embrace (a certain amount of) Vulnerability

Not everyone is a social-emotional whiz kid; it's possible she's been unaware of your intention to progress the friendship into something more, and if you're anything like many people, you may not have been direct about your intentions out of a concern for possibly scaring her off and/or a fear of not being able to handle her answer and the effect it would have on you to be so vulnerable. Let her know where you stand, and be brave enough to hear the answer. Having the other steps outlined below in place first can be especially helpful with managing the effects of her answer, whatever that answer might be.

3. Know Your Own Values and Priorities

So far as we know, we only have one life to live. Know what's the most important to you, and what your priorities are. Focus your attention going forward on living a life that's in alignment with your own personal values. This will narrow the field when searching for a new potential partner, and if you're living your values, you're more likely to find someone whose values are in natural alignment with yours.

4. Develop an Awareness of Your Non-Negotiables in Relationships

What are you absolutely, positively not willing to tolerate and/or have as a part of your life? This is true for all aspects of your life, not just relationships. When you have a sense of what you *don't* want in life (along with an awareness of your own personal values, as mentioned above), you'll be less likely to spin your wheels on a situation that really isn't compatible with who you are and what you'd like your life to look like.

5. Get Comfortable With Yourself

Know yourself, love yourself. Develop compassion for your quirks (...because we all have them) and an awareness of your personal assets. Develop a growth mindset. When you have an accurate, objective assessment of yourself, you'll have a sense of when you're not being treated fairly and/or when you're being taken advantage of and/or used, and you simply won't tolerate it.

6. Know What Situations Trigger Any Attachment Wounds (and learn to self-soothe)

If you have any attachment wounds of some degree, that means you're most likely human. Many people aren't aware of their attachment wounds, and thus those wounds subtly (or sometimes not-so-subtly) influence the way we relate to other people in all aspects of our life. They can even make a person put up with mistreatment or neglect, and/or can make a person appear "clingy" or otherwise not a completely independently-functioning individual, which can end up pushing romantic interests (and friends, even) away. If you know what your attachment wounds are, you can work on healing them, or at least reducing their impact in your relationships.

Regarding the ability to self-soothe, this is where you've developed an awareness of your triggers to emotional/relational distress (not receiving a text for several hours, not having your FB photos viewed or liked, etc.), and you've also developed a means of comforting yourself in those situations. This keeps you from lashing out inappropriately, calms you down in order to allow your rational mind to kick in, gives you the space in which to objectively evaluate the totality of the circumstances, and serves as a basis for a constructive conversation about whatever got you riled up in the first place.

7. Develop a Daily Schedule or Routine That Reflects Your Values

This is how you keep yourself occupied, future-oriented, and true to yourself when trying to "get over" a relationship in which romantic interest was imbalanced, and it ensures you're actually making time for the things that are most important to you, which will ultimately lead you into a life you've always wanted to live.

8. Surround Yourself With People Who Care About You

Friends, family -- even supportive co-workers. Make sure you're scheduling some time with these people - even if you're an introvert. Knowing that you have other people in your corner during good times and bad can help you keep relationship problems in perspective and can keep the common thoughts of "I'm-never-gonna-find-someone" at bay. When you're secure in yourself, when you're living your values, when you have a sense of what your priorities in life are and what kind of life you want to live, *and* when you have a group of people who care about you, you won't have time for people who don't have time for you.

9. Keep Negative Thoughts Reigned In

If you notice yourself thinking in negative terms regarding your self-esteem/self-worth, relationship status, relationship prospects, etc., nip that in the bud. It simply isn't productive. Yes, if there are some things you'd like to change about yourself, it's perfectly fine to have a realistic (i.e., non-rainbows and unicorns) perspective of those traits, but don't dwell on them. If there's something that needs changing, acknowledge that, start working on it, give yourself credit for acknowledging and working on it, and move on. Once again, don't dwell. Try to find an objective, reality-based thought-alternative to replace the negative thought with.

Negative Thought Example: "I'm a horrible chess player and I'll never win."

Replacement Thought Example: "I'm still learning all the tips and tricks to become a successful chess player."

10. Accept The Situation

Bottom line: If you're wanting someone or something that is out of reach for whatever reason, try to accept that it simply isn't going to happen. While it may feel oddly comforting to continue thinking that "If only I would have..." you might have achieved the outcome you desired, and/or to focus (i.e., dwell) on the positive aspects or possibilities the person or opportunity appeared to represent, it only makes the situation harder for you to move on from in the long run. Stop those thoughts in their tracks, too, and focus on developing yourself and your future.

The more "You" you become, the better chance you have of finding someone deeply compatible, and the more likely you are to have space in your life for only those such people.

Best wishes!