How do you get past something that has deeply affected you, and now affects your relationship?

Hello,

Thank you for your question. Getting over a hurt of cheating in your relationship is never an easy task. But it can be done when you set your intentions on what changes you want to see happen in your life. 

As far as healing from this is concerned, the most important thing you need is forgiveness. First forgivness of yourself. You didn't say as much about this, but usually there are some thoughts about what you could have done, not have done. And sometimes it can get easy to start feeling guilt or shame around that. 

Fogiveness of the other person that done the wrong to you in the relationship is also needed when it comes to getting past something and moving forward. Holding on to the hurt they did to you takes up a lot of unecessary energy that you could be putting towards other things more beneficial for you and your baby, and other things in your life. 

But most important of all, you need to remember that forgiveness is for you. And it does not excuse the behavior of your boyfriend, or pretned that the cheating didn't happen. Forgiveness is about not letting his behaviors have control over you. 

Having couples therapy is an excellent idea if both of you want to work towards a better future together. If online therapy is something you two would be willing to do, Better Help has a sister site called Regain. But if you're in individual therapy right now, it's a good idea to process your thoughts and emotions around this with your therapist. Working on your boundaries and standards with what you will and won't accept in a relationship, is something that you should work on as well.

If you don't have a good understanding of what healthy boundaries look like in a relationship, you can talk about it with your therapist, attend a Groupinar related to healthy boudnaries, or attend a Group session (if you have access to them) related to relationships where you can get more support on this area. Identify what your vlaues are when it comes to being in a relationship. For example, what types of actions do you consider to be cheating? Outline that and clearly communicate that is a hard limit for you. Write down the type of relationship you want to have and don't compromise on them for anyone or anything. 

If he is doing the work to do better and be in a healthy committed relationship with you, then the relationship could work. If not, you will have to make a decision about what your next move will be regarding moving forward. It is always a choice that you have when it comes to who you spend your time and life with, as well as who you give all your love to. Loving your boyfriend and wanting things to work with him is amazing, but you first have to express that same energy towards yourself, because you deserve it. 

I'm wishing you all the best!