How do you trust your partner again after you think he's cheated & now obsessed with him?
Asked by Calgal27
Answered
10/02/2022
Hello Calgal27,
I am not sure I understand your question, so I will sum it up to ensure that we are on the same page.
You are trying to get over perceived infidelity, but you have no evidence that your partner of 19 years cheated on you. You explained that you are now obsessed with his whereabouts and what he is doing all the time.
Why do you believe that he was unfaithful? Has he done something to indicate that he is seeing someone else?
Do you have good intuition? Or do you rely on your logic to make decisions? There is no rational reason not to, but your intuition tells you to be careful, but there must be more. Your mind records an infinite number of experiences on your unconscious level.
Sometimes you don't know why, but you feel that someone is untrustworthy. Your instinct makes decisions in seconds. Intuition connects three spheres: the intellectual, the experiential, and the contextual.
The two innate instincts you are born with are survival and sexual reproduction. These two instincts have allowed the human race to continue to exist as a species for hundreds of centuries, enabling people to flee what threatens their lives without reason. But your instincts are the result of prior learning by your ancestors.
So, to escape a fire today, you would have had to learn how dangerous the flames are. To avoid getting your hands on hot oil, you learned from childhood that it "hurts" and that you should stay away from hot pans. In other words, much of what you harvest today is the fruit of what was planted centuries ago.
You might be reading in the behavior of your partner messages indicating that you can't trust him. Your logic side of your brain does not know what is going on, while your instinctive emotional side is calling into question his behaviors.
Is your partner prone to lying? Have you caught him in apparent lies? Did he break your trust in the past? Do you have any reasons to suspect that he is being unfaithful?
Infidelity is a deep wound to the ego. Betrayal affects self-confidence, body image, and self-worth and leads to feeling Empty, despair, anger, frustration, pain, and anguish. All these feelings are mixed feelings that arise when you are the victim of infidelity.
Regarding your partner, if he is having an affair, he is living a double life which is hard to maintain. What will you do when you find out that he is being unfaithful? Will you work with him to stay in your relationship? Are there factors that contributed to or drove this betrayal?
I want to point out that if he cheated on you, he deceived three people: Himself, his lover, and you, but again you don't know that he betrayed you, and you suspect that he has.
Until you know for sure, you need to trust him to have been faithful. Do not make accusations without knowledge; you should trust your gut feeling and explore why you have suspicions.
You are being triggered emotionally, and it would be helpful for you to reflect on what has changed in your relationship.
You might already have the answer but ignore it because it is a painful process.
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this situation. I invite you to sign up with BetterHelp and process your feelings and thoughts with a licensed professional.
LPCC, LPC