How does an avoidant person deal with an anxious person within a relationship?

This relationship is seemingly unbalanced, based on one partner having to avoid the other partner, experiencing anxiety. Walking on eggshells, by one partner is unhealthy, fearful behavior by a partner trying to avoid a potential conflict with a partner, needing help in developing positive coping skills for anxiety. If the underlying issues are not dealt with, with communication, understanding, and positive changes, this relationship will continue being negative in nature.

Both partners are responsible for their behavior of allowing this behavior to be ignored, rather than dealing with the real issue of anxiety, and fear.  Avoiding the other partner's symptoms of anxiety, and choosing to adjust one's behavior to feel like one is "walking on eggshells," is skirting around the underlying issues of the relationship, to avoid uncomfortable feelings, in order to feel less discomfort by one partner. There are two equally important individuals in this relationship. Ultimately, avoidance of the underlying issues in this relationship, by both partners needs attention, if resolution is to occur.

Avoiding a partner with a history of anxiety, and a lack of adequate coping skills, is not going to fix the relationship. The partner with anxiety, has a real symptom affecting the quality of life of both partners, that counseling may help address, in order to help the dynamics of this relationship. The partner avoiding the partner with anxiety, also may be demonstrating a form of anxious behavior by adjusting his or her behavior to avoid behavior to prevent a perceived sense of pending conflict, due to a lack of underdeveloped coping skills. Coping strategies can be taught to help improve negative behaviors such as anxiety and avoidant symptoms and behaviors. It would be prudent for both partners to focus on ways to improve their own coping skills to address personal and their relationship issues, and learn better ways to communicate, to avoid the main issues causing this relationship to fester and progress in an unproductive manner. The avoidant behavior may lead to resentment, anxiety, depression, and anger. The anxious behavior of one partner may dominate the relationship, and continue as long as both partners lack communication and coping skills to make healthier changes. Triggers for the anxiety, and avoidant behavior need to be addressed.

Positive strategies to help reduce anxiety and help both partners learn to work, through their issues, as individuals, and as a couple, need to be identified; followed by learning and implementing appropriate coping strategies. Examples of some strategies to use in reduction of anxiety, is utilizing diaphragmatic deep breathing, reframing negative thoughts to positive ones, and using grounding exercises to help reduce tension, and for relaxation. Strategies to work on strengthening the partner's intimacy interactions, also may be taught to help enhance the partner bond. This relationship system is lacking healthy intimacy, a willingness to confide in one another, trust one another, and share thought/feelings in a personal manner. The partners are showing a lack of healthy communication with one another to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe, honest and open manner, due to fear and anxiety.

Both partners are recommended to seek counseling for their personal mental health, in individual counseling, to address their individual concerns and issues, currently being experienced. Attending couple's counseling is also a recommendation for the protection, safety, and overall well-being of these individuals and their partnership as a couple. Both individuals deserve to be heard, respected, and validated for their individual issues, and helped accordingly, in a compassionate, empathetic, humanistic manner. Anxiety is a real issue that impacts individuals and relationships. Lack of intimacy without healthy communication skills can prevent a relationship from thriving. There is hope for these two partners, as individuals and as a couple with therapeutic counseling therapy, if they are willing to be honest, and open, with one another, and consider counseling as an option for teaching them to do better.

-T.C., LPC, Counselor Therapist-Practioner