How marriage changes over time

There are various reasons that a marriage may change over time. Usually, the desire is for the marriage to grow/change in a positive direction.  The concept of marriage is to commit to another human being for the remainder of your lifetime; there is a devotion to one another that is like no other.  The partnership associated with marriage makes all the difference in how the marriage will change.  We never know what life will “throw” at us throughout the year, but having a marriage with a solid foundation and a good partnership will make overcoming obstacles much easier. 

Going through hardship is probably one of the more unfortunate ways that a marriage can change.  Sometimes the changes can be positive; other times, they can be negative.  These times of hardship truly show how connected you are to your partner; the stronger the partnership, the more you will support one another to overcome the hardship.  When you pass through the hard times, this is when you will feel even more connected to your partner.  But if the foundation is not solid in the marriage, then these hardships can compromise the integrity of the marriage. 

Even when the integrity of the marriage is being challenged, there is always the opportunity to work through the issues together so that separation can be avoided.  Much of how you can change marriage to improve the integrity of the marriage is through healthy communication skills and the application of healthy boundaries.  This can take several months to several years to work on.  At some point, it may seem like the progress is not happening but try to take a moment to reflect on the concept of a lifetime.  Marriage is deemed to be a lifetime commitment, so at the moment, it may seem like things will never change for the positive.  But we cannot say that with any absolute certainty. 

They often say that marriage has “ups and downs,” and this is something to be normalized.  If you find that you are struggling to appreciate the positive aspects of the marriage and only focused on the negative aspects, this will most certainly change the quality of the marriage.  It is never a “wrong” option to seek professional/couples therapy if you and your partner find that you hit a wall.  And for some, going back to couples therapy more than once may be necessary, which, again, there is nothing “wrong” with this being the necessary part of maintaining the marriage.