How to be happy alone?

Guia,

Thank you for your question. I can hear the pain in your words as you ask about how you can have more people in your life who truly care about you. If you were sitting in front of me I would tell you I hear this question a lot. You are not alone in this.

I would say first, take a step back emotionally and objectively think about how emotionally healthy are you?  Are you growing in your understanding of your thoughts and emotions and dealing with them in healthy ways? Are you aware of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day?  Self awareness can help you make choices based on goals and convictions, and less on reactions in the moment. If there is any trauma in your background that has not been dealt with this may be an important step in pursuing your own emotional health. The more that you are pursuing your own health, the more clearly you can see the healthy people around you. 

Secondly, I would ask you: Is your support system, the people closest to you, emotionally healthy as well? Are they people who handle their thoughts and emotions healthfully? If not, it is no wonder you feel isolated or alone. They could be primarily looking after their own self interests.  Perhaps there are boundaries that could be helpful with these people in your life. Perhaps you may need to shift your focus, to connect more with other people in your life who are more emotionally healthy.

As you notice emotionally healthy people around you, invest more of yourself and your time in these relationships. Show them that you are available for their needs and begin opening up about your own needs. Start by smaller steps of being open and vulnerable and develop trust with these friends in your life that are healthy and respect you and your journey to healthy relationships.

Professional counseling or therapy can be helpful to process some of these relationships in your life, past trauma, and learn about boundaries or social skills that could be helpful for you and your relationships. I would recommend a therapist that uses Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy and is experienced in working with trauma. We have many great therapists on this platform that are experienced in and practice these forms of therapy. Maybe now is a great time for you to invest in your health by signing up for therapy.

I wish you all the best!