How to cope or move on from cheating spouse I have kids with.

First, let me tell you how sorry I am that you find yourself in this position. Unexpected betrayal, from someone you have loved and trusted for years, can bring on so many intense feelings and the need to make life-changing decisions.

I can only imagine the chaotic and confused feelings that you are experiencing discovering your spouse is an unfaithful person…..hurt, terrible sadness, and probably a great deal of anger. For some people, there is a sense of abandonment, loneliness, grief, loss, depression, and anxiety when one spouse is unfaithful to the other spouse. Feeling the intense emotions and acknowledging them is the first step toward healing for most people, and I’m so glad that you reached out for someone to talk to.  More importantly, someone who listens and can help you to deal with what has happened and help you to make wise, and well-thought-out decisions on how you want and need to move forward and find or re-establish a healthy relationship. 

Your life is immeasurably valuable.  The lives of your children are valuable, and counseling can help you to process your broken heart and choose the path that is right for you and your family, no matter what that path might be…. Whether it’s establishing new ways of being in your marriage with your husband so that both of you can grow together… or whether it’s finding a way to move forward in establishing a new way of living without your husband, figuring out who will pay child support to ensure financial security for the kids, how to avoid a custody battle, and how to explain their parents’ divorce to your children…..  There are so many things to consider here…trust, openness, remorse, commitment … these are only a few.

Lisa, there is no magic potion, no miraculous formula or checklist that will make everything better after being cheated on and betrayed. Working through this will take some time for one or both spouses, some introspection, and some work. It may feel like everything about your life has been a façade, like your whole world has been torn apart by a cheating parent and partner, but try to see things from a different perspective for a moment….  Maybe this unexpected heartbreak, this terribly unfair and painful situation may be a cautionary tale and a chance to create a new reality and a new way of living for you and your family. 

Lisa, if you want to find happiness, success, and satisfaction in your life, I truly believe that counseling can help you.  I am glad that you are considering counseling for yourself.  May I also suggest that you consider counseling not only for your children, but for you and your husband as a couple as well. Therapy will allow you to spend time figuring out how to create a healthy environment as you work toward your next steps and decide whether or not to break up, and if so, how to be successful co-parents.