Ask a therapist > Relationships > How to cope with the loss of a 10 year relationship and the person already moving on?

How to cope with the loss of a 10 year relationship and the person already moving on?

My son's father and I had been together since we were 20. We are now in our early 30s and after 10.5 years the relationship is now over. We were engaged in early 2021, ended engagement in summer 2021 but still were living together and going through the motions as if we were going to fix things. At some point between then and now I guess you can say we grew apart.
When he first moved out about 2 weeks ago, all the emotions hit me at once. I was angry, hurt, sad and relieved all in the same moment.
Now I'm finding out he has started a new relationship and possibly has a new baby on the way and here I am still trying to pick up the pieces to my broken heart.

Asked by L

Relationships

Answered

10/25/2022

Greetings,

It is with pleasure I assist you with your question. People experience a wide array of emotions related to changes. These changes can be adjustments to relationships, occupational situations, co-parenting scenarios, romance, and other types of events. You are courageous to search here for answers on coping with a wavering relationship. I empathize with your experience. This happens at times, and in the beginning phases of terminating relationships, people can experience constant mood changes.    There appears to be an added layer to your scenario. I notice there's another kid by another person added to the mix. This can complicate things, especially considering you all have been facing challenges. Oftentimes, people are challenged with deciding to terminate relationships due to time. However, with time emotions will eventually evolve into more positive emotions at times. Some people face breakups through venting, finding hobbies, reconnecting with former hobbies, exploring new interests, and maintaining social support. I'm wondering how all of this might be going for you presently.

You've asked a question about coping in the right place. If you find therapy as something you're interested in, that may be a way to discuss various experiences you're having with your recent breakup. I am unsure of how you were able to find BetterHelp, but I am happy to have been able to answer your question for you. I welcome you to explore all your options and find what works for you. In some cases, many things are better than one thing. Thanks for allowing me to answer this question for you.

You may benefit from journaling about your ongoing feelings and any changes you observe to start, if interested. However, there are many things that can be helpful for managing emotions. They will change from time-to-time and not everyday will be the same. I noticed you mentioned you experienced anger, felt sad and hurt, and a fleet of emotions. This could mean that what works one day may not be the most effective for you on another day. I extend my warmest wishes to you. You've taken the first step to find a remedy.

Kindest Regards,

Elaijia

Ms. Elaijia Eaton

LPC, LPCC