How to deal with a breakup where no one really did anything wrong, and you can't contact the person?

Hi There,

It sounds like you are both good people, trying to move on from grieving the loss of a relationship that was meaningful to both of you.  On some level, it sounds like you both knew that the age gap may become an issue eventually, as you prepared to discuss it at some point.  Breaking up isn't ever easy, and in this case it sounds like you felt a connection that was good between you on many levels.  Age difference isn't in and of itself necessarily a guaranteed problem, but we do need to look at how it was perceived by the both of you in your relationship. 

Relationships are guaranteed to be a compromise, if we agree to share a life with another person.  No two people are alike, and although you may compliment each other, there are going to be things you will need to compromise on.  As simple as how the pantry looks, where to put that new mirror, to as complex as how many children to have, what religion to practice, and how to manage finances.  Your life will not look the same as a single person, than with any other partner that you choose in life. 

What is important to note is that everyone has things that they are willing to compromise on, and the dealbreakers they are not willing to compromise on.  If we know what those are for ourselves, hopefully we are able to communicate that assertively from the very beginning.  As couples begin to grow together in trust and commitment, they develop a shared meaning on life goals and how they want that life to develop together.  Notice that nothing here so far is about your age, but age does play a role in future goal planning and establishing that shared meaning. 

If you have been together for a year and a half, you must have had discussions regarding these life goals.  Were there ongoing points of tension between you?  Were there dealbreakers from you or from your partner that you were unable to compromise on?  Breakups are difficult, and they don't just happen.  Perhaps in therapy you can discuss from your point of view what are the things you value in life, and what kinds of qualities you are looking for in a partner to compliment those life goals that you have currently in life.  If you and your ex-partner have things that you were unable to compromise on, perhaps it is better to focus your attention on yourself, your needs, and how to fulfill them to live a full life.  Feel free to find a therapist through BetterHelp.com.  Good luck!