How to deal with emotional dependence?

Hi there! I want to thank you for reaching out for support through BetterHelp. It takes a lot of courage to seek support, so you should be proud of yourself for doing so! I want to preface this by saying that I am answering this question based on the information you have provided to me. If we were meeting for a therapy session, I would want to ask follow-up questions to gather more information and clarify some things. But since I am only given the information above, I apologize if I have misunderstood anything.

First of all, I want to offer my condolences for your recent break-up. Break-ups can be so difficult and such a hard loss. If we were meeting, I would definitely want to know what led to your break-up and what the circumstances were around the break-up. Regardless, I know that is tough and it sounds like you are wanting to know more about the emotional dependence part. I will say that it is very normal to develop an emotional dependence in relationships, and understandably so. You become close with that person and get to know that person on an intimate level. Emotional dependence is not necessarily a bad or unhealthy thing - usually until it interferes with your own well-being and/or life. If you find that it is hard to establish or maintain your own identity while you are in a relationship, that could be when the emotional dependence could be a more significant issue. 

I would recommend working on exploring and maintaining your own personal identity during this time. Try to learn about yourself as much as possible during this time of your life. If you are now single, you have so much opportunity to really get to know who YOU are on a deeper level. This is not to say that you can't learn about yourself in relationships with others. But, sometimes it is easier to learn about your likes and interests when you are alone and have that extra time. I would recommend looking at this as a positive thing for yourself, and then going and exploring your interests and hobbies again. Are there things that you have enjoyed doing that you would want to start doing again? Are there interests that you once had that you would like to explore again? Are there things you currently do that you want to do MORE of? These are some questions you could ask yourself. Also, I would recommend working on building your relationship with yourself - and doing things that help you build TRUST in yourself. Sometimes break-ups can cause someone to doubt who they are or what they feel - but, try to work on building trust with yourself. If you start to doubt why the break-up happened, it could help to write a list of the reasons that led to the break-up and why it may be best for you right now. You could also write out a list of your strengths and abilities to help tap into yourself and start to depend on yourself emotionally.

I would also recommend looking into self-development podcasts and books (even audiobooks) to help with exploring yourself more. You could also try journaling if you have not tried this before - sometimes just getting out your thoughts and feelings can be so therapeutic. You could journal about the break-up or just how you are feeling in general. Try not to judge your thoughts or feelings and just let that out on paper. I would also recommend really tapping into your support system if you do have one - are there friends or relatives that you can rely on during hard times? Try to reach out to those if you can.

I would also recommend looking into starting therapy for yourself if you are able to - therapy can be a great way to explore yourself and also process through possible reasons for the emotional dependence you have felt in the relationship. Therapy can also be a great way to reflect on what you want out of a future relationship and for yourself.

I want to thank you again for reaching out for support on here. I do hope this was helpful and I wish you the best on your journey :)