How to feel better about myself? How to let go of a relationship?

Thank you for reaching out and wanting to learn more about how to love yourself. This can be a difficult thing when we are focusing on what others want to see in us. What others love in us. What others expect of us. How others feel we should behave. The difficulty comes from the fact that all people expect and love different things so how in the world would we be able to meet the needs of every person we come across!? What one might love, another might hate. What one expects, another despises. This is why we have to learn how to be our own person and discover who we are as an individual, so that there is no one else in the world that can influence the person that we want to be. More commonly, we call this "fear of judgement". We fear the judgement of others. We fear how they perceive us, what they think about us and whether or not they like us. If we could learn how to let go of this fear, it brings us the freedom to mold ourselves into the person we want to be. Building confidence is one way that I encourage people to work on letting go of the fear of judgement. Building confidence can mean:

Trying new things

Stepping outside of your comfort zone (if you like workout classes, try going to the front of the class. If you like baking, try baking something for a neighbor/someone else that will be judging it). 

Start saying no to people - if you constantly say yes to people and don't put enough energy into loving and caring for yourself, it's time to start saying no. You don't owe anyone help. You don't owe anyone your best self. You don't owe anyone an explanation. (In fact, there is a book called "You don't owe anyone" and it will teach you these very concepts). 

Ask yourself how you feel about a topic before hearing what others feel about that topic. Challenge yourself to think for yourself. Learn how to stand up for what you believe in. 

I would also encourage you to think about the relationship in terms of what you gave it/put into it vs what you got out of it. Was it equal? Were you giving more than you were receiving? Or the other way around? Were you respected in the relationship? Did you lose yourself while in the relationship? Often times I hear people tell me that they lost the person they wanted to be while in a relationship. This can sometimes mean the relationship wasn't right for you. Someone that loves and respects you will want you to be your true self. They want you to learn and grow constantly. They want you to be found and not lost. Evaluate the relationship and look at it in terms of a business relationship (as odd as that sounds). Were you getting compensated fairly for the work you put in? Did you equally challenge each others growth? 

One of the best ways to let go of a relationship is to evaluate it and look at what you gained and lost in the relationship. What did you put in and get out of it. What caused the deterioration of the relationship. What role did you play in that breakdown. 

Hopefully when you evaluate this relationship, you can see it clearly - flaws and all. And above all else, learn to love yourself by going on a search to find the true you. 

Best of luck.