How do i work through being cheated on?

I am not sure I understand the exact context so I will answer this question based on the information that I was given. It sounds like maybe your husband cheated on you before you got married and you decided to marry him anyway. That is my assumption based on how you phrased the question. That being said, I can understand why this would be difficult and I would be happy to help you work through this.

Marriage is hard. Well, relationships are hard of any kind. I have counseled many couples during my career and most of the time there are 3 different topics that people in romantic relationships struggle with - communication, expectations, and commitment. 

Communication is always a huge factor in any relationship. It is crucial for the survival of any relationship to have effective communication. We need to make sure that we put aside the assumptions that our minds like to create and actually communicate with the ones that we love. Tell them how we are feeling, what we are thinking, and sharing both the ups and downs of the relationship. Many times the breakdown is in either ineffective communication, too much communication, or not enough communication. We must use our assertive language, keeping in mind that our perspective is important while being empathic towards our partner and show them that their perspective is also important to us.

When our expectations are not met, we are left with disappointment. This can be in little things as well as big. When we have an idea of what things are supposed to be like and the situation does not turn out that way, we find ourselves feeling resentful, hurt, ignored, and a number of other negative emotions. This happens in marriage. Obviously, in a romantic relationship, the expectation would be that the other person be loyal and not cheat on their partner. That should be a given. Unfortunately, we are all flawed people. We all make mistakes; however, some mistakes are a little more devastating than others. 

I would encourage you, first of all, to acknowledge that what happened to you is not okay. Sit with your emotions and accept that it hurts. Let yourself have some space to process that you did not deserve what happened, it is not okay, and it is not something you will ever forget. I am assuming that you love this person or you would not have given him another chance and you certainly would not have married him. There was a reason why you decided to go through with the marriage after having such a hurtful thing happen. Focus on that. Try to focus on the good things that the two of you have.

Trust will most definitely be difficult, especially for awhile. I definitely feel like trust is something that has to be earned. That being said, it is really important that you don't continually make your husband suffer because of the poor choice that he made. If he feels remorse and has asked for forgiveness, give him grace and offer him the forgiveness.  Let me be clear what forgiveness does not mean. Forgiveness does not mean that it was okay. It does not mean that you will forget it, and it does not mean that things will be the same. What forgivess does is releases you from the bitterness that you could potentially harbor in your heart and mind. It allows room for that relationship to grow and the hurt to mend. I absolutely recommend couples therapy as well as individual therapy for both of you.

Your marriage can be restored and I believe that. It will not be easy, but it can definitely be worth it.