I am stagnated how can I move on and get fulfillment?

Hello Ni! Thank you so much for sharing your question with me today.

It sounds like you are hoping to work on decreasing your attachment to a particular romantic connection that you are not seeing reciprocated. Learning more about your attachment style in a therapeutic setting can be a good start to work here in treatment.

I can definitely understand that putting yourself out there and being vulnerable is a scary and courageous thing to do. Maybe you are struggling with insecurities of some kind including concerns with physical appearance, feeling confident, or knowing yourself and your true identity. Something to remember is that we tend to mirror our relationship with self in every relationship in our life; therefore, if you are struggling to connect intimately with others, it is important to do the inner work on the relationship with self first before trying to fix a relationship dynamic. 

Incorporating opportunities to engage self-love practices into your day to day life might be a beneficial first step. For example, we tend to be our own worst critics. If you ever listen to the inner voice inside your head, you might find it can be pretty critical. It might tell you things like you are not good enough, or not worthy of finding a healthy intimate romantic partnership. 

One thing I always like to tell my clients is, "You cannot believe everything you think". There are hundreds of thoughts running through our head on any given day and the type and quality of thoughts depend on a number of factors; therefore, it is likely that many thoughts you have throughout the day are possibly irrational and inaccurate. 

Trying to challenge negative thinking and reframe critical self-talk is a key aspect of engaging in a helpful self love practice. One suggestion is incorporating a positive affirmation practice into your day to day life. Try and pick a time of the day you happen to be in front of a mirror. Maybe you spend time getting ready in the morning before work. Take a few extra seconds in the morning to stop and give yourself positive accolades. 

There are many ways to practice positive affirmations, but usually they begin with "I am". Try and begin reframing your thoughts and saying things you feel good about yourself for. Maybe you appreciate the fact that you are really creative. Maybe you are someone who is kind and caring. Try to practice noticing positive qualities in the mirror and state them out loud. The more you can acknowledge your own strengths and what you are bringing to the table in a romantic relationship, the easier it will be to connect intimately with the right partner in the future. 

Another thing that might be helpful, is being clear about what type of person (friends and partner) you are hoping to attract. For example, clarifying your unique value system can sometimes be a guiding light in the dark when confusion might arise on the journey of navigating intimate relationships.

I would encourage you to take time to reflect more on what is meaningful in your life. Values are the guiding pillars that drive our behaviors and intentions in life. It is hard to have a healthy relationship dynamic with two people who have very conflicting value systems; therefore, taking some time to clarify what is meaningful to you, and what you are hoping a future partner/friends might find meaningful as well can be a really good step in attracting the right people into your life as well.

As you are taking time to complete the values clarification, really reflect on asking yourself "What am I doing in my day to day life to show that this matters to me?" It is really easy to say you might value something; however, without putting daily efforts, action, and intention behind it it might not be something as meaningful as you think in your life.

Take time to reflect on your non-negotiables and boundaries that are important for you as you navigate the relationship opportunities in your life as well. Having healthy self-respect for yourself is key while navigating new relationships. Don't compromise non-negotiable boundaries. Slowly begin to open up in the vulnerability category. Don't expect yourself to dive in head first into the deep end day 1! (This would be unhealthy anyways. It is all about that balance!)

Many times we are fearful to be vulnerable and intimate with others due to fear of rejection. Maybe you have experienced rejection in the past, which has pushed you into patterns to isolate and decrease opportunities for yourself; however, now you are realizing these same patterns are no longer working for you. At the end of the day, being vulnerable is a risk that is worth taking. Good things have likely come into your life in the past by being willing to take a risk, and being willing do the work will get you there.

It's important to remember also that you don't have to go through this journey alone! Having support from a licensed professional can be a great opportunity as you navigate the path of self-discovery. A licensed therapist can help you unpack childhood experiences that have contributed to your difficulties in adulthood, learn coping strategies to manage emotions, and support you in so many other ways!

Whatever your journey looks like moving forward, I wish you best of luck! Thank you for reaching out with your question and good luck!!