I don't know if my boyfriend and I are good for each other, should we break up?

Thank you for your question.  Congratulations on a relationship that has shown resilience and strength to last through some very formative years in your life.  It is not unusual to now question behaviors or choices now.

Unconditional love does not mean that we like all things about a person.  However if the issue is a values based conflict, you will need a 3rd party to help you have the conversation.  Values based conflicts are subjects like religion, politics, family, monogamy, sexuality, etc.  Typically we discover our values by something that bothers us.  Crucial conversations are necessary as relationships evolve and stand the test of time.  You can deeply love someone and come to a decision that your values are not aligned which prevents the two of you continuing the relationship.

Having crucial conversations is a learned skill, as there are a multitude of emotions that keep us from asking the question or saying out loud what has been stored in our mind.  https://youtu.be/ryCeARRE-KA is an outline of what a crucial conversation is and a guide.  This is more career focused but is applicable to any relationship.  Three questions that are a way to begin a conversation are:  What is working?  What is not?  What can I do more or less of to help our relationship?  Again, this is a learned skill and all of us have to be coached or have guidance.

In the meantime, getting clear on your values are important.  You can use this resource: https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification   I have seen couples sit down together, or you may prefer to do this on your own.  Vision boarding also is a way to see if you are on the same page or not.  Lots of ways to approach, but only you know your why that something does not work for you.  Therefore, only you can have the conversation.

In the meantime, I would say to ensure that you choose a time to have the conversation where you and your partner are rested, there are no distractions, you are well fed and hydrated and no substances are involved.  All of these ensure proper focus and the capacity to be at your best to have a hard conversation.  Think of it as playing a championship game where the stakes are high.  How do you prepare?  You rest, you eat, and you ensure you have all of the tools you need with a coach beside you.

BetterHelp has lots of therapists to help you in your journey.  Thank you for the opportunity to connect you with some resources! 

Best wishes - Dawn Rochelle, MSW, LCSW