I get affected with the thought what people must be thinking about me, what to do?

Hello DC,

I hear you, you're having difficulty with the thoughts of others about you. There could be several things going on here in terms of the why this might be happening.

Firstly we could look at your attachment style. This is the blueprint for how we interact with others that is set when we are young and continues when we are an adult. This effects friendships, romantic relationships, co-workers and more. It can effect not only people in our lives but also objects in a wider context whether we worry about if we left the oven or a light or a tap on when we are either out of the room or the house and have to go back and check etc. If we have a secure attachment style then we can form friendships, romantic relationships, work colleagues etc. If, however, we have an insecure attachment these things can be difficult for us, not impossible, just difficult.

It could also be in what way do we get our self worth? For example, are we able to draw on our own self worth? Or do we need to validate our own self worth in others. Self worth issues can come from our attachment style but they can come from other areas in our life too. A simple way to explore this could be if we have messages of not being good enough when we are growing up by either parent figures, teachers, friends etc, we may take this on board and continue that for ourselves when those people outlined above are not around etc.

I would also look into this bluntness you described, what is that about? When is your earliest memory of being blunt or someone being blunt around you? Could this be a repeated pattern? If we were young and our parents or teachers etc were very blunt with us or someone else and we witnessed it, then we can take that on board as our way of being.

There's certainly a few things to have a look at for your answers there, but If I were to offer one way you could approach relationships with other differently: instead of waiting till we feel they might be thinking something about us and then responding to that when it might not be the case, examine that thought.

*When in doubt, check it out*

You will not have to mind read because you will know, then when you have done that enough times you'll learn that your initial mind reading does not have to be a behavior, you can check things out, you don't have to be blunt about that, you are simply checking it out.

Of course the other side of this is a gentle challenge, does it matter what others think? If it does, then you might be onto why this is happening and where to look, if it does not then you don't have to continue to carry that with you if it is not serving you.

Warmest regards,

Kai