I just wanted to know how do I stop thinking about a guy I really liked

Hello, thank you for taking the time to ask this question.

I must say I applaud you for opening up about such a difficult and vulnerable situation in your life. I am sorry to hear about your loss from 2 years ago, and I know that it is a lot more difficult to resolve the emotional effects of grief than people will tell you.

I hope you are not trying to push yourself to "move on," and allowing you to feel any feelings that arise, in relation to grief and loss. It makes a certain amount of sense that you, someone who has lost a husband, would develop a bond with a man who has lost a wife. Such a situation might almost seem like a "fairytale meeting" but we have to remember that in real life, fairytales are not true, and we cannot control the thoughts, minds, intentions, and decisions of other people. It may seem like a great idea for you to develop a relationship with this man, but if he is not in the same head space as you, and does not share similar goals, then it is not at all a reflection on you if he does not put similar effort into developing a relationship. He clearly must have things going on in his life that stop him from being able to commit to you, and it would not be fair for you to just wait around for him to change, given that he may not ever change the way you would hope he does. There is a chance that you fell in love with the idea of this man, more than with the actual man himself.

This presents a great opportunity for you to practice acceptance, which is an actual practice, not something that comes naturally, and which a skilled therapist can help guide you towards. You may also want to practice something called "thought stopping," which like most mental health concepts, is not as easy as it sounds, but is also not impossible, and takes practice. Try to ask yourself for the benefits and the costs of thinking about him, and try to convince yourself that engaging in these thoughts is not actually a good idea for your own mental health. Try to envision these thoughts as if they were not "your" thoughts, but intrusive thoughts trying to enter your head and upset you, and try to imagine either letting them pass by, just like clouds in the sky or debris in a river, or imagine yourself building a strong wall, door, or force field around your mind to block them out. Try to replace them with more peaceful thoughts about yourself, fond memories, future goals, and ways that your life has meaning and/or brings meaning to others.

All of this can be addressed in mental health therapy, on a platform such as this one, or otherwise, and all of these skills will come to you easier if you have help from a therapist to guide you through this process. Also, I would be remiss if I did not mention that perhaps you still have things to process regarding grief, as 2 years is not an extremely long amount of time, and therapy would help you with this as well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to move on and experience new partnerships, romances, and fun. Just because you share a similar experience with someone else does not mean the two of you want the same things, and we cannot force other people to want the same things we do.

I hope this has been helpful, and I hope you are able to enjoy life, and get therapeutic help to move forward from this current predicament.

Thank you again for reaching out!