Ask a therapist > Relationships > I need some help

I need some help

1. I have issues managing my negative feelings like if someone disappoints me or if something bad happens. I moved here to live with my dad and he did not support me financially or emotionally and I’ve been left in couple bad positions.
2. I have trust issues. I fear challenges and feel like I am not ready for life.
3. I have a serious phobia for reptiles (freak out when I see them or if they come near me)
4. For years I have issues managing friendships with people who I actually care about/ who I consider good friends. I think I attract a lot of toxic people; would like to break that cycle.
5. I want to master the art of having less expectations of people
6. Sometimes I doubt myself because of fear

Asked by Alli

Relationships

Attachment

Answered

10/11/2022

Hello Alli,

Thank you so much for your questions. I hope I can provide some clarity and some answers for you. In reading what you are experiencing, it seems like you are coming to terms and realizations of some deep rooted issues that could be stemming from inner child programming. It seems like inner child work (understanding your family system) would greatly benefit your from understanding where your trust issues are originating.

Fear is the number thing that holds us back in life. Fear of loving, fear of failing, fear of trusting, etc. Many times people stay stuck in a bad relationship because they have a fear of being alone. In your case, you have a fear of trying new things or accepting new challenges in fear of failing. These are all normal feelings to experience when attempting something new in one's life.

Finding a good therapist who has experience in phobias would be a good place to start. Professional therapists are trained to address fears and help people work through them in a positive manner. In addition, a therapist could also work with you in understanding your family dynamics and patterns which could possibly explain why you are drawn to toxic people. A licensed therapist can help you understand your reactive attachment style to help you break through the cycle of being drawn to toxic people.

It seems like you are struggling a lot with your father right now and simply having a therapist help you process this pain would be a good start. From there, the therapist can work with you on understanding the patterns that have developed between you and your parents and how this transcend into other parts or relationships/friendships in your life.

I hope my responses help you get clarity. I know things may feel hopeless and you feel powerless, but I think once you understand why you do the things you do and are attracted to certain people, it will help you completely shift in changing how you do things and that includes the people who you chose to surround yourself with on a daily basis that seem to take from you and not give you the support you need.

Ms. Susan Lane