I need to know how to heal and rekindle things with my girlfriend

Hello BB! Thank you for taking the time to check out the BetterHelp "Ask a Licensed Therapist" forum. I appreciate you asking this important question about salvaging your relationship with your girlfriend. I realize that this must be a very challenging situation for you to manage at this time. I hope that you have been able to recognize your strengths as a partner in all of this. I really admire your goal of trying to heal and rekindle your relationship with your girlfriend.

It makes sense to me that you would initially be feeling shocked about the recent changes in your girlfriend's behavior. When did you find out that she was lying to you? How did you find out that she was lying? Perhaps there are certain aspects of her behavior in which she is communicating something to you in a nonverbal way. Maybe you can ask her more about this when you have a moment to do so. As I am sure you already know, honesty is a pillar of any relationship. Encourage her to be honest with you from here on out no matter what. Hopefully by setting clear expectations and boundaries about how you would like her to behave, this will be overall beneficial and healing for your relationship.

Based on what you said in your question, it sounds like she has since apologized for her behavior and has ceased contact with the individual who you feel uncomfortable with her talking to. Have you asked her more about this experience? I wonder what that has been like for her to cut ties completely with this individual. Perhaps asking her some questions in a curious manner might give you some more information about why she acted in the ways she did. Was it a relief for you to hear that she was only connecting with this person on a friendship level? I would be interested in hearing more about the reasons as to why this individual makes you feel uncomfortable. Have you shared your reasons for this with her yet?

Would you be willing to participate in an art making activity as a means to find a sense of safety for your current situation? I recommend trying the Rose Bush guided meditation and visualization technique. In this exercise, you can imagine yourself as a Rose Bush. Think about what your Rose Bush might look like. What colors would your petals be? As a rose bush, would you have leaves for photosynthesis or thorns for protection? Imagine that as this rose bush, you have every thing that you need. There is rain water from the clouds, light from the sun and your roots are firmly planted in nutrient dense soil. As the rose bush, imagine that you are cared for by a gardener or maybe the butterflies and bees. Perhaps you are located near a lake, a stream or even a waterfall. And as this rose bush, you have been planted exactly where you were meant to be. Consider that maybe you are surrounded by other rose bushes. After you take some time to contemplate what your rose bush would look like, create a therapeutic drawing, painting or find an image of your rose bush online. Your inner rose bush can bring you a sense of growth, peace, safety and security. If you could picture your relationship as a rose bush, what would that look like? Imagine that your relationship will grow, just like your inner rose bush.

You can also begin the process of creating a mandala, which essentially can mean coloring within a circle. By creating a circle drawing, you will be able to find a sense of relaxation. It is scientifically proven that coloring within a circle can help lower heart rate and reduce blood pressure. This method produces a naturally calming effect. Perhaps you can design your own mandala as a means to express your feelings about your long term relationship. Maybe you and your girlfriend can work on a mandala drawing or painting together as a means to re kindle your relationship and give some space between the here and now and the past. Take some time to enjoy the present moment together as a team.

In addition to therapeutic drawing and guided visualization techniques, I recommend that you take some time to practice self care skills. You can begin this process by recognizing what your currents hobbies or interests are at this time. Turn your favorite activities into a personalized self care routine. Spend about twenty minutes three times per week focusing solely on yourself and your needs. Practice self love by recognizing your strengths as an individual, as well as your strengths as a partner. You may also want to try some relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing.

At this time, I recommend attending individual counseling sessions. Speaking with a trained therapist about your concerns is likely to be beneficial for you as you work towards improving your relationship. Certain aspect of the therapy sessions can absolutely be healing, as well. In addition, you and your girlfriend may want to consider attending couples counseling session if you both are willing to give it a try. Having a safe, shared space to address your mutual concerns could be incredibly helpful for the two of you. This may also give you a chance to practice some relationship building activities, including building trust in the relationship.
Lastly, I recommend attending either a group or a groupinar as a means to obtain some additional support and insight into your experience. The groupinars available on the BetterHelp platform cover a myriad of topics and may give you some ideas on how to navigate your current situation. It is certainly a worth while option to check out!

Thank you again, BB, for your time asking this vital question. I sincerely hope that my response will be helpful for you in some way. I want to wish you all the best on your therapeutic journey on BetterHelp.

Take good care and have a great day!