I need to know if i can trust my boyfriend or not

Hello Demi,

When it comes to trust and honesty, there are fewer ingredients that matter more in relationships.  So you are very much right on the money regarding how important of a thing it is for you to have.

Having said that, trust is something that WE give and the other person in our relationship (in this case your boyfriend)  'ought' to try and earn. 

I am isolating that sentence in this response for you, and bolding it too because it is worth copying or repeating to yourself so you can comprehend each and every word as it is intended, Demi.

WE are the ones who CHOOSE whether or not to trust.  We make these choices based on what we conclude about the behavior of other people, but whether or not to trust is a choice within our control.

Once we find that another person is dishonest to us, it becomes difficult to decide - their dishonest behaviors have posed reason for doubt and confusion in us because their words do not match their actions.

Depending on the specific situation and events (and there are as many different variations and degrees of this as the human mind can imagine) we can choose what WE want to do next.

It is always a very helpful and effective idea, to work through the feelings that come up (in this case it might be anger or sadness, betrayal or rejection just to name a few). So process the associated feelings and take as long as you need to do this. Name the feelings, grant yourself permission (without judgment) to experience those feelings - not to consider them right or wrong or tell yourself you shouldn't have them - just the opposite...allow them and feel them through (yes, this is work and it will hurt).  

But once you have managed this and find that you are still able to breathe and live through this, you will realize that you're now more able to think clearly about what has happened and make a more self-caring decision about how you want to handle things going forward.

YOU will be able to decide if you want to try again or provide more of a chance for explanation.  Also by having processed your feelings and given yourself that space, you can hopefully hear anything new that is being said to you about it, in a way where you can continue to do what is best for you.

When someone breaks our trust, it truly doesn't make sense for us to then rely on them to help make us feel better since we currently are experiencing a sense of mistrust in them that will last until we process things fully.  I hope that makes sense.

Once we work ourselves through the experience we are having and re-establish our sense of balance and clarity inside us, we can then make the best decision of how to proceed.

Yes, this all will impact and effect our significant other as well, but WE will know how we need to proceed.

Judy