I'm conscious of my emotions but want a better understanding of them. I feel emotionally unavailable.

Hey Val! 
I'm really glad you reached out! I can promise you that what you are feeling is completely normal and everyone experiences it at some point. I think that when we are uncertain we seem to feel a little disconnected especially when our thoughts, feelings, and heart are conflicting. I think you need to start by looking at what your definition of love truly is. It's different for every person but looking at what's important to you as well as what is important to stay clear of is the first step and key factor in looking at what you are expecting.

In this situation in particular, I think you have to look at where you already stand and what you feel like you were looking for out of it. We also want to make sure that you aren't compromising your own values and morals to fit in with someone just for the sake of not being alone. I know that it's difficult to be on our own at times, but it's better to do that than to make sacrifices that are unfair to you to be with someone else.

I think you need to take a step back and look at what led to you and your former partner breaking up and add that to the list of things that might be a dealbreaker in the future. It sounds like you were following your gut and that now you are second-guessing that. We know what we need as humans and as people and we deserve to have those things. Just because it wasn't through this partner doesn't mean that it won't be with someone else later. I think sometimes we get too caught up in the concept of no one being perfect, which is true, that we sacrifice the things that we really want and end up being unhappy later.

On the flip side, it is important to realize that no one is perfect but that we deserve certain things and sometimes people can adapt to a certain extent, and make changes if they really care about people. That goes for both partners. But being able to communicate your needs assertively and not being afraid to speak up is equally important. If you were afraid of the "what if's", it may be worth having an open discussion with this person if you think there may be a future to see what is possible or not.

At the end of the day you have to be true to YOU, know your value and worth and not sacrifice that for anyone. Sometimes it's hard to be patient and wait for the right one but I have no doubt you will find them. Self reflection is powerful and I'm glad that you are considering therapy because it sounds like it can only strengthen those amazing qualities you have. I hope this helps and I wish you all the luck and wellness!