I’m in a phase of my marriage where I feel indifferent towards my husband, how do I get back to love?

Hello Consuela,

It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to send in your question. You ask a thoughtful question. Yes, you're right, marriages do often go through ups and downs. The important thing here is that you are taking an active role in trying to repair this and you want things to be different. You are showing motivation. 

Often times, we can fall into a rut, get into a routine with our partners. I call it being in autopilot, just going through the motions day by day. This is very common for relationships, particularly the longer you've been together. What you want to do to change up that daily routine with new things. Some suggestions include, setting up regular date nights, dressing up and going out like you are on a date. I would also encourage you to sit down and write out all of the things that you love about your husband. What first attracted you to him in the beginning? Something drew you to him, what were those things? Try to incorporate some new things into the marriage - read a book together, take a class, do activities together, play games together. Make a commitment to try new things on a regular basis - once a week, once a month, etc. Get to know each other again.

Practice reframing this feeling of indifference that you have with your husband. Also very important, does your husband know that you are feeling this way? Sit down and talk with him, tell him you feel that you are in a rut and want to be proactive and improve this. How do you think he would respond to this? I know that you don't want to rock the boat or cause unnecessary stress or tension, but it is important to keep open communication with him, otherwise you will likely develop resentment toward him.

You might also find it helpful to speak with a therapist to help you work through some of these feelings. I hope that you have found this information helpful. I wish you all the best moving forward on your journey.