Is it a trauma response to forget or zone out in the middle of a disagreement? How do you stop?

Hi Cinderella.  Thank you so much for taking that first step to ask for help.  I recognize this is not an easy thing to do for any of us.  I see you want to work on improving yourself and bettering your relationship as well. Without knowing more I am not able to tell you if behaviors are trauma based. 

I can tell you  effective communication skills and strong boundaries are important foundations for healthy relationships.  It's ok to express your feelings and explain what you need. Establish how you expect to be spoken to and set limits.  When we establish boundaries, we define how we feel valued and the ways in which we need to be respected and heard. 

In the heat of the moment, at the start of a serious talk, before that argument begins take a minute before responding. Take a deep breath and say something like this; " I need some time to process.  Can we talk more about this a little later." This gives you time to step away, refocus, and formulate your thoughts. 

When resuming this conversation, say how you feel.   By doing so, you are validating your emotions.  You can say "I feel.....". And name that emotion.  The next step is to express why you feel this way.  What about the situation is causing you to feel the way you do?  Start this sentence by saying " because I..." Then tell them what you require to move forward by saying "I need....."

Give yourself time and space to focus, gather your thoughts, and express your emotions. Communicate in a healthy, effective way. 

Meet with a mental health professional virtually through BetterHelp.  You will meet  in a safe space free of judgement.  Your counselor will work with you to skill build.   You will be able to role play, practice how you respond, and get the validation you need to move forward.  These skills are not easy and take time to learn and implement in day to day interactions. 

You are not alone.  Keep reaching out and get the support and help you need to move forward.   

Wishing you all the best.  Take care.