Is it easy to move on from a past relationship still feeling guilty?

Hello, thank you for your question. I am Mario, a licensed mental health counselor on the BetterHelp platform. I think what you are experiencing is probably a normal amount of guilt or regret, and you seem like a very nice person for caring about how your ex feels, even though you mentioned feeling better overall about no longer being in the relationship. These things can be quite complicated and confusing.

Real life is filled with so many "gray areas," as you may have noticed, and there are very few instances of "black and white," or "good and bad." We can make choices which seem like the absolute best choice for ourselves, while that choice still brings pain or discomfort to somebody else. There is a big difference between putting our own needs first, and deliberately hurting someone else. It sounds from the way you worded your question, that you were not deliberately hurting your ex, but rather listening to your own head and heart, and making a decision to leave this relationship because that was the best decision for you. Your ex may have been heartbroken, and no doubt that is a difficult situation for that person to deal with, but that does not actually mean you did the "wrong" thing. Now, I cannot speak to the way in which you ended your relationship, because I do not know those details. I can understand why you would cut of all contact, as sometimes when feelings are difficult to figure out in a break up, a "clean break" is the best option. I am sure this was a difficult choice for you, and since it seems difficult, the fact that you made this choice probably shows that it was the choice you needed to make.

I am inferring a lot here, and of course there are details about your life and your old relationship which are unique, but one thing I do know for certain is this: While it may hurt to have to end a relationship, it is absolutely unfair and will lead to even more pain for both parties of a relationship, if you continue in a relationship where you no longer feel attraction or wish to be with the other person. If you were to take a survey of the people you know well, I can all but guarantee that most of them would say they would rather have a relationship end, then find out that they have been in a relationship with a person who does not like them anymore.

It sounds like you did what you needed to do for yourself, and you also did the right thing by your ex, even if it hurt your ex, reasonably so. Your guilty feelings probably come from you being a caring and empathetic person. Try to empathize with the fact that your ex is better off knowing the truth about how you feel, specifically that you do not want to be in this relationship. Your ex will learn to move on in time, and will likely find their own happiness, and you are not responsible for this person's happiness. We are in fact not responsible for the happiness of anyone other than ourselves, though it is nice to be able to add to someone's happiness when appropriate... but that is a conversation for a different time.

If you continue to have these unwanted negative feelings, you may benefit from individual therapy, either on this platform or in person in your community. Please look into it, as therapy has helped a great many people, and therapists are accessible no matter who and where you are nowadays, thanks to technology. I hope this has been helpful and I wish you the absolute best!