Is it me, my issues or low standards or is it my partner who doesn’t listen?

Hi,

That sounds really hard situation. You have clearly asked your husband to cuddle and compliment you. It can be really sad to ask for such things and not get it reciprocated. It is very important to ask for what we need in relationships. Also, having a spouse give what we ask of them is very important.

One thing to consider off the bat is that you may benefit from both or either of individual or couples counseling. Individual counseling can help you decide and explore what is happening to you individually in the relationship that is not giving you what you need. This can be emotionally draining and painful. Talk therapy might help from giving you help. The other option would be do to couples therapy. It does not need to be an either or situation. You could possibly benefit from both. Due to cost and time constraints you might need to decide between the two. Sometimes more is not necessarily better with therapy. You and your husband can explore in couples therapy ways to have both your needs met. You can explore ways to make your marriage connection deeper and more meaningful. As with all therapy there is no guarantee that it will work, but it can often help. If you were to explore this more in therapy, then more information would need to be given. How long has this been going on? How much is this happening? What does it make you feel like to not get what you have asked for?

I will say that one thing that can be difficult from a therapist's perspective is when the issue resides in a separate party. It does not really sound like it is your fault per se that your husband is not doing what you ask of him. Therefore he may be the one that needs to change. That ultimately puts the ball out of your court. He needs to change, and we actually have very little control over other people. We can not make someone else change. Exploring not being able to control other people, even our spouse could also be explored in therapy.