Is my ex a narcissist?

Hello Lauren,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear that you are currently being ghosted. Unfortunately, just based off of what you have written and because I have never seen or interacted with your ex I am unable to definitively tell you whether your ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What I do want to say is that it is quite common to mislabel individuals of having NPD. The reality is that we all have some normal levels of narcissism. We all have a tendency to be self centered and focused from time to time. We also from time to time do things that can be incredibly hurtful to people in our lives because we don't think through the things we say or do.

NPD is a condition characterized by inflated self-esteem, with the individual seeking attention and admiration. The DSM-5, lists specific diagnostic criteria including symptoms like high self-importance, lack of empathy, and a grandiose sense of entitlement as a requirement for diagnosis. To meet the criteria for NPD, the aforementioned symptoms must have been persistent since young adulthood and affect multiple areas of the person’s life. Just being self centered does not make someone qualify for a diagnosis of NPD.

Regardless of whether your ex has the disorder or not; I want to highlight that regardless of diagnosis or not if the relationship is toxic then it is toxic. Listen to yourself and the reasons that your brain is telling you that you shouldn't reach out to this person. You are worth so much more than anyone who would make you feel the way your ex has. There is someone out there who will treat you well!

In the meantime; I encourage you to work with a therapist; if not here on the BetterHelp platform then through more traditional means. When you have been engaged in a toxic relationship for so long then your thoughts and perceptions on relationships can become distorted. It can be hard to trust future relationships or even your own judgement, etc. A therapist can help you work through these complex thoughts and emotions and help you develop firm boundaries and help you determine what you want out of a relationship and what you will and will not tolerate going forward. Regardless of your choice to do therapy or not or to not engage with your ex or not; I wish you well. I am grateful for your question and am hoping the best for you. Thank you again and take care going forward. Best Wishes!