is there a woman out there who can love me for who I am and not have me be someone else?

Hi there! I think this is a really good question! Relationships are hard and it sounds like you haven't had luck finding a partner that is a good fit for you. There are definitely some things that can help with this. It looks like you noted that you aren't really happy with yourself, which makes me wonder if you struggle with confidence. Would you say that there are any changes that you feel like you need to make to be more comfortable in your own skin? This could be anything from working on your appearance, your mental health, things about your communication, etc. Having confidence and true love for yourself is extremely important, whether you have a partner or if you are single.

Once you work towards that self love, I think it is really important to determine what sorts of qualities or things do you want in a future partner. Sometimes even making a list of things that are "must haves", things are that "preferred" as well as things that are "absolutely no's" can be helpful. When you know what sorts of traits you are seeking in a partner, if can help you determine if someone is a good fit fairly quickly. Being able to make connections with others recognizing what you bring to the table, and what sorts of things you need or want is essential. Expecting partners to know your needs and wants isn't fair, as communication is vital for those things!

It sounds like you feel that some people have taken advantage of you in the past, noting that you feel like they only like you for what you do for them. Having firm boundaries and expectations in relationships is important! For example, having conversations with people you are connecting with regarding what both of you want in a relationship and keeping that in mind along the way. Another thing that can be helpful is talking to potential matches about their expectations and what they are looking for up front. Often times people keep this to themselves and then they find out that they aren't on the same page after all after it feels too late.

Best of luck to you!