Is there someone who you can match me with that has education with IFS or inner child work?

Hi Playa,

Thank you for reaching out and asking questions about the inner child approach to therapy. You have taken the right step by getting help from a mental health professional to understand your emotional state from your past to present.

It seems like you have a good understanding of how your inner child can still affect your emotions and impact your emotional state and your relationships as an adult. One does not have to go through a childhood trauma to work on your inner child. In one way or another all adults have an inner child and it stems from the memories and feelings from your childhood that were not addressed. For instance, if someone felt that they were very hurt as a child, they will carry that feeling into their adulthood and some even in adult life can trigger that inner child and they will react to it. This is how many of us have maladaptive behaviors. For people who have had childhood trauma the inner child is more deep rooted and they may have more maladaptive behaviors reactions in a conflicting situation or otherwise.

It is extremely important to heal your inner child for personal growth and to be able to form better relationships as well as to manage your emotions as an adult.

1. The first step is to acknowledge your inner child by going back to your childhood and thinking about events whether they were traumas or just hurting feelings and acknowledge them. This may take some time and effort to identify these events as small micro events may have impacted you as a child that you now would think we're not important. Every negative feeling you have felt as a child should be validated and acknowledged.
2. The next step would be to show your inner child compassion by talking back to yourself in that moment, by showing compassion that you may have been missed by someone who should have shown you compassion. See the situation from your inner child and not as an adult and give your inner child the feeling that they wanted to receive from an adult.
3. The third step would be to love your inner child. Show affection and tell your inner child that it is OK. Re-process the feeling in the memory and validate it. You will feel peace once the memory feeling is re-processed.

It is best to work with a therapist on your childhood issues especially if you have experience childhood trauma. A therapist can guide you in going back and forth with your feelings and help you in the healing process. I wish you the best in your journey towards healing.

Best,

Dr. Saima