Letting go and moving on

I’ve dated this guy who’s accused me of cheating and he’s the one who has cheated numerous times and in the worst way, but idk how to let go and I want too! I know that’s part of having attachment issues but he’s the only guy that I had this problem with.
Asked by Greenhouse
Answered
10/21/2022

Hello Greenhouse,

It has been in my experience that often others who blame their partner for cheating are the ones that may be engaging in it themselves. 

It is difficult for the mind and heart to be on the same page especially when trust has been broken.  The heart feels like letting go is impossible because you cannot imagine life without them but, the reality is it hurts too much to stay, as lots of thoughts and feelings feed into what was experienced.

It is hard to "forget" if our partner has been unfaithful and staying in the relationship can take a toll on our self-esteem and self-worth.  We start to react in desperation and feel like this relationship is like an obsession.  We become more preoccupied in staying in a relationship that is broken and not working.  The longer we stay in it the harder it is to walk away and the more desperate we become.  Sometimes we think because it did not happen in other relationships that something is wrong with us.  In my opinion, I think sometimes we fall in love with our partner and it makes it difficult to let go.  Every relationship is different and we feel differently in each one.  Maybe it is an attachment situation but also it is important to remember that it is ok to love that person and not be with them.  Often, people get caught up in feeling the love and trying hard to make the relationship work instead of recognizing you don't have to stop loving the person to let go.  Sometimes it is about acknowledging that you love that person but due to circumstances you cannot be in a relationship with them.  Part of maturing and recognizing a relationship is toxic is accepting the love you have for them can remain, just that you cannot continue to be involved with them.  It is about challenging your immediate reaction to hold on to the relationship with an iron fist and recognizing you are losing yourself in trying to remain in a situation that will be detrimental to our own mental health.