Looking to sort out relationship issues with an ex by learning how to set healthy boundaries.

Hi! This sounds like a difficult situation for you. It's quite understandable to be confused. One moment you appear to be in a committed relationship with someone who decides to end the relationship to be with another woman. 

Now, he chooses to regain contact with you stating that he still thinks about you yet remains with the other woman. His words and his actions do not equate.

In order to create healthy boundaries, it's important to be clear with what you want.

Even though you have strong feelings, it's necessary to be true to your values as well.

Are you okay with the fact that he's with another woman and wanting to speak with you?

Do you want to be associated with a person who tells you one thing and does something else?

How do you value yourself?

What did you two discuss when you were together about your future?

In order to create healthy boundaries, you must be the one to decide what you want, regardless of your feelings.

This may mean being okay saying I love you to someone even though he is with someone else. 

Or it may mean deciding if you want to continue speaking to him while he's in a relationship with another person.

You mentioned that he wants to communicate freely and continue contact.

How do you feel about this? 

Has he mentioned wanting to leave the woman that he's with?

Has he mentioned telling her that he's communicating with you?

Has he explained to you how long he was involved with her before breaking up with you?

If one of your values is honesty, then staying connected with him while he's with another person will go against your value which will cause you continued stress.

This would be a good conversation to speak with a professional and truly unravel what you would like to see happen with him.

Do you hope that you two will get back together? If so, how would he guarantee that he would be loyal? Could you trust him?

Since the break up have you thought about being with another person?

You mentioned feeling devastated. What was that like for you?

I hope this response will help you understand more of what you want so you can create those clear boundaries.