My coworker changed their behaviour to me with no reason.

Dear Drakon,

Thank you for taking the time to share something difficult that has happened to you and that sounds so important. I am touched by your message.

I have a lot of curiosities around this question, because there is a relational aspect to it. With relational aspect, I mean that there is two people involved and I am curious about what has been co-created:

• On one side there is your co-worker reaching out for help, for support, to get something from you.
• On the other there is you, that jumped in to offer your support, and helped but somehow got disappointed, unsatisfied, and confused from this situation.

The first question for me is to ask yourself a little bit more about your experience of being the helper, the person that is there for the other... If you go back in time, does this sound familiar to you?

The second one is, does this pattern of being the one giving and not receiving much, fit elsewhere?

The third element, which is the one that fills me with some sadness, is your experience of being left and the sense that something unfinished in this relationship for you around that. The "ignore me for no reason" touches me, and I almost feel the need to want to rescue you when I read that. So I suppose there is something about your experience of being left and ignored, that feels so important to explore.

This is what comes up for me when I read your words, and would really like to hear more from you in response to my message. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk more and get more support.

Usually, I do not like to offer solutions, or tell my clients what to do, but rather help them understand themselves better. The way I usually work is open-end therapy, and the goal of my therapy is to help my clients understand what they do and that does not serve them anymore in relationships, so that they can try and do something different in the future and aim for something more satisfying. 

Let me know if this somehow fits, or at least helps you reflect a little more.

Warm Regards,

Alessio Tonato