My girlfriend asked for a break

Hello Tron,

I am sure you are worried for the future of your relationship with your girlfriend right now. When your girlfriend asks you for a break this can be a confusing situation, you might ask yourself if the relationship is over or just on hold.

Understanding why your girlfriend wants space is the key to preventing the situation from getting worse.

If you’re in a relationship that has hit a few rough patches, your girlfriend may be trying to figure a few things out. Many men are faced with the dilemma of what to do when facing this situation. Her suggestion may catch you off guard, but it’s not necessarily the end of the relationship. Your initial thought may be to fight for the relationship to keep her from leaving you, but her asking for a break doesn’t always equate to the relationship being over,

Each relationship is of course different from the next.  When girls ask for a break that is usually what they mean.  Ask yourself this, if she wanted to break up, why didn’t she just say that?

Regardless of how you answer this question - the truth is she asked for a break not a break up. A Break Is Not the Same as Breaking Up – it is best not to immediately assume she wants to break up with you. While a break may lead to a break up, it is best to manage your worry and take one step at a time.

Consider that your girlfriend just needs some space and time to think a few things over – maybe she needs time to consider how you fit into her life long-term and what she needs from you in the relationship. Her asking for a break shows she is considering her future; it doesn’t necessarily mean she is considering her future without you and that it is all over between you both. Taking a moment away from each other is valuable for you both – it allows you both to consider what you mean to each other and what you want to do next with your lives.

No matter why your girlfriend is asking for a break it is important to listen and honor her request. It is not a good idea to persistently bug her about ‘why she needs a break’ or to constantly beg her to change her mind. Give her the time she has asked and respect her wishes. When you do this it shows you listen, you respect her and it shows emotional maturity on your part. Pretty good qualities in a boyfriend, I’d say! My guess is you will show her some of your strengths if you do this.

During this time of your break take a moment for yourself and reflect on anything you might need or want to change about yourself. Be honest with yourself – ask yourself, am I too demanding? Do I rely on my girlfriend too much?   What am I contributing to the relationship? Being honest doesn’t mean being negative – it just means reflecting and attending to anything that you think might improve your relationship – that’s all.

Make things as easy as you can between you both. Just because she has asked for the break doesn’t mean she won’t miss you or want to communicate with you. Don’t hold this against her, she is trying to figure out her feelings and wants for her future.

Being patient and flexible will show her your willingness to see her needs as important. You will be showing her that ‘her happiness is important to you’. This will go a long way to helping her see how mature you are and will remind her why she was attracted to you in the first place and why you are together.

Your girlfriend may well be having some second thoughts about the relationship but let her figure this out for herself – it will be best in the long-run. These doubts she maybe having might have nothing to do with you – they maybe totally separate from what she is feeling about you. Her priorities maybe so different. You mention she has a daughter – maybe this is something that she needs time to work out. How does she balance the needs of her child with having a relationship with you? What are the implications of the relationship on her child? I don’t know if this is a factor for her but you know her best so accepting that she has someone else’s needs to think about maybe a factor in your relationship.

Maybe she needs more attention, and she doesn’t feel you are able to attend to her. This is a time for you to reflect on this. Are you spending too much time with your friends, at work or spending time on other things? Just give it some thought. If your girlfriend feels neglected or low priority in your life she may need space to decide if being with you is beneficial to her. 

Opposite to this are you smothering her. If you do not have anything else going on in your life sometimes a partner can feel overwhelmed with having to meet all of your needs. A healthy relationship needs a healthy amount of space, separation. Ask yourself, are you constantly around? Are you giving your girlfriend enough space and time to be with her friends or her daughter?

Breaks in relationships are not uncommon at all. A break can result in clarity. A break can make the relationship stronger. The most important task for you to for now is to take stock and take a moment to consider what if anything do you need to change about your behavior. If there is something, you need to do and it would make you grow as a person you might want to work on doing just that. Emotional maturity goes a long way in a relationship and will make your future a much happier place, no matter what!

A break doesn’t necessarily mean a breakup. It is possible that you will get through this and be together. Having space in the relationship allow you both time to think about what you want and what is important to you in your relationship.

Learning how to communicate in a relationship is crucial and that includes listening to your girlfriend and listening to your needs too. Creating this space in the relationship can give you both the opportunity to decide what you want in life; what you want in a relationship and can you be that person to provide that (and vice versa).

No matter what – a healthy relationship is worth working on. If you need further guidance, consider reaching out to a professional counselor at BetterHelp. We are here to assist and support you.

I wish you the best.