My marriage is costing me my peace and happiness. I want out, but nobody gets it. Am I being selfish

Good Evening Zee,

Thank you for your honesty and openness related to issues you are coping with in your marriage. It sounds like it is a highly painful time and the lack of support you feel from your family and friends is taking its toll. I am very sorry to hear it and to learn of your consequential unhappiness. I know you feel you are trapped and out of options in how you address your current dilemma, however, I assure you that you are not trapped or stuck, and certainly you have many options in this situation. They are the following:

1. Write a pros and cons list related to your marriage - do this just for you! It will help you to organize yourself and truly understand what it is your would consider staying for and what it is you are planning to leave for.

2. Consider the happiest times in your marriage - what was happening then? How were you and your partner interacting? Are you able to get back to that? To get back to some semblance of that or a newer, better baseline?

3. Have you said aloud to your partner that you are ready and wanting to leave the marriage? If not, can you and are you willing to set a date to do so?

4. Explore the issues that you have with people pleasing and needing to feel validated by others in order to make the decision that you know are best for you. Are you staying in your marriage and not speaking of your discontent because you do not want to be misunderstood? Or is it because you would need financial or emotional support or other resources if you left your marriage and if your family and friends do not understand, they will not provide these things?

5. Are you willing to make yourself the head of your decision making in your life? If you are overwhelmed and upset by the life you are living with your current partner, you know and understand that it is you and only you who can make the choice to leave, why place any stake at all in the opinions of others? They are not in the relationship with you, they will not be out of the relationship with you. At the end of the day, you are the only writer of your story. Everyone else must be background noise. You do not have to truly believe it. You just have to make decisions as if you believe it until it all becomes real. 

I hope my notes above are helpful for you and create room for you to begin anchoring your voice above all others. You deserve to be happy and I hope you know that there are no mistakes. Only decisions that you can see through to the end of the line no matter the consequences that arise. They will arise and they are inevitable. It is ok to be afraid. You can do it even in that state, just know in the end you are walking towards your happiness. Best of luck to you!