My partner is wonderful and perfect, but i can’t help to always think about breaking up?

Hello, thanks for reaching out,

Firstly i'd like to address the last part of your question as I feel its the most important part in order to start looking at your concerns.

I would offer that the last part of your question "what is wrong with me?"............ nothing is wrong with you............I know this sounds counter intuitive in that if there is something we are doing then it must be something wrong?.......... This could not be further from the truth in that potentially this is just something you do, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. 

Now there are many reasons for a behavior, thought, feeling, or emotion and I gently encourage you to engage with therapy so that you may explore these in a safe space and find the answers you seek. It's my hope that gentle challenge does not put you off but encourages you to engage with exploration of this.

Now for the rest of the question, as I'm sure you can appreciate, without further exploration it is not possible to say for sure what might be going on for you, and only you will know with certainty what it might be for sure, but I will offer some insight here of things you might look toward.

Firstly I would ask is this the first relationship that this sort of "self sabotage" as you describe it, takes place? or has there been other relationships that it has happened in? if yes, it's possible you have a relationship 'Script' that dictates when you're in a relationship this is how you operate. So then potentially it does not matter how caring the other person is or is not we will operate according to our script in relationships. If no, it's still possible it is your script we just don't have any other relationship to compare it to at this stage.

Scripts are how we behave in a variety of situations, it can look like "event----response----result" if we were to write it down that is, but invariably the response here would be the same no matter what happens in the event. Think of it like when an actor gets a script for a movie, the line is given and they respond accordingly. We respond in script throughout our lives and we may not be aware of the scripts we might have. This is where therapy can help, in your exploration of what might be going on for you.

Scripts can be learned behaviors i.e. when growing up we may have seen a parent or primary caregiver respond in a similar way as such we then take this on board as how we should respond in such situations too, i.e. a learned behavior.

They can also be formed responses to events in our lives, i.e. if growing up we spent any time away from our parents or our parents were not always as available as we would have liked etc these things can lead to attachment disorders, which can then play out in our adult life. 

I would offer you scripts and attachment styles as some of the things to look at for further explanation of what might be going on for you. When you're ready, therapy could provide you with the safe space in order to explore your concerns further. 

Warmest regards,

Kai