Relationships

I have been in and out of relationships and every guy I had has always cheated and made me feel less thann who I am. I am in a complicated spot now due to the fact my recent boyfriend says he loves me but also cheat not once but twice leaving me to believe I wasted to years. He says he cheated due to feeling unappreciated but in reality he is never here for me but gone and I only see him about 4 days out of the month which makes the relationship tough on both parties as I work alot as well as he but does not really communicate very well about his feelings and I dont think this is the only time he cheated on me and it makes me truly sad what should I do?
Asked by John doe
Answered
11/29/2021

Hello, my name is Christie and I am a new therapist on Betterhelp.  I would like to help you if possible by explaining a few things about the situation you have shared. I cannot tell you what to do because that is your decision, but I can provide some information that might be helpful.

 

Relationships and people are very complicated. However, it is never the other's persons fault if someone cheats on them.  No one forces another person to cheat. Cheating is always a personal choice. People cheat for a lot of reasons...but most of those reasons have to do with what is happening inside of the mind of the person who is cheating. I would encourage you to ask yourself if you feel that you have a good foundation in the relationship and if you really want to continue with your partner. If so, you will need a plan to ensure that your needs are met. Part of this might include couples counseling to help increase the communication in your relationship and to help you find ways to trust your partner again. On the other hand, I would also ask you to consider that perhaps your partner is showing you that he is not ready for the committment that you want through his actions of cheating. If that is the case, then you will need to make a decision about whether or not you will stay in the relationship. And last but not least, I would ask you to think about your emotions. How do you feel in the relationship? Do you feel it is healthy for you emotionally? Do you feel like you can be yourself? And what are you willing to sacrifice to be in a relationship? I would advise you to spend some time reflecting on these things in order to prepare to make any life decisions.   

In any case, I feel that therapy, whether its with me or someone else, would be helpful so you can make some decisions about how to handle the situation and start to feel better about yourself. I hope this helps. Thanks, Christie 

(M.A., LPC-S, Ph.D., in, Education)